Can't leave DD with her dad- separation anxiety

[toddlerma]

DD is a couple of months away from being 3 years old and has such bad separation anxiety. It's heartbreaking and I'm not sure how to make it easier for her.

Drop off at nursery, cries, but is fine after a few minutes.

When dad is home or anyone else really, I can't go upstairs without her trying to follow me. I can't go outside for fresh air, or she has a tantrum and tries to follow me. ( I do these things, but she's very distressed ). Sometimes she's OK and it doesn't bother her, say if her grandma is over, she will just play and not notice I've gone upstairs etc.

But if it's her dad, the baby and I, she really seeks me out.

Today her dad wanted to take her out to the playground, but she just wouldn't stop crying because she wanted me to come too.

We have a 7 month old baby too. She doesn't go places with her dad alone often, but we really want to help her get used to it. Is this normal and what could I do to help her ?

She was like this, even before the baby came.

She also has trouble with transitions. So if she's having a good time and then we need to leave or do something else, she gets really upset. She has a lot of tantrums if she can't get what she wants in general.. I think that's all pretty normal for her age.

Anyone ?

My almost 3 year old is exactly the same. And we had the same issue today re the playground. She lost it screaming that she wanted to be with me and in the end we just had to let her stay with me and DP took the baby out (who is a bit older than yours.) she has always been like this too a very much for her mum, but seems worse the last few weeks. She even insists she wants to sit in the bathroom when I’m showering or she loses her mind. I’m just telling myself it’s a phase! But I can’t even walk to another room and she won’t play with anyone else if I’m in the house. It’s very exhausting isn’t it ?

Aw really ?? That sounds so similar ! My girl is not happy when I go to the toilet either, she has to be in the room or she's just screaming.

I'm not sure what to do to stop her from screaming in general.

Yeh same, I can’t do anything without her wanting to hold my legs or she just has a meltdown.
you probably already do this, but if I can I try and make a fuss of her for a small portion of the day while the baby sleeps or with with my partner and we do something “special” like painting or something we don’t usually do with the baby around. But I’m exhausted this week as it’s been even more full on! Tomorrow morning I am taking her out just the 2 of us so I’m hoping that will help!

Mine is the same. But his sister is 6 so it's not to do with having a baby. I think it's an age thing.

My DD was the same. They do grow out of it. It's exhausting though isn't it. My DS won't even let my DP put his shoes on, has to be me 🙄

Do you give her pre-warning?

At about that age it became clear that DD

A) loved routine
B) needed advance notification to feel comfortable

So for example in the morning I'd say ' today we will be having breakfast, then getting washed and dressed, then I will be going to xxx and you will do xxx with daddy. I will be home at xx and we'll have lunch'

I'd then remind her at each stage what the next thing would be.

'Ok we've had breakfast, in 5 mins we'll go upstairs and get dressed and brush teeth, then I'll be going out and you and daddy will xx'.

When she knows the plan she finds it easier to process. It's not infallible but it generally worked.

Same in the park.

'Ok we'll be leaving in 10 mins' '5 mins' '2 minutes, pick what 2 things you want to do before we go' ' 1 minutes' 'ok time to go, come on'.

I think in part this was because of being in nursery and they had ticked routines, but also because between 2 and 3 they seem to want more control and choices.