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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Family issues

6 replies

onyourbill · 19/11/2022 10:44

Will really try and not drip feed here! I feel really unsure as to whether I’m handling this right. My cousin (DC) who is in her early 30’s, accused her father (DU) of emotionally and physically abusing her when she was a child. This all came out a couple of years ago and has caused a real divide in the family. A lot of people have chosen to take sides and have more or less come out and said they believe DU. I’m a mental health practitioner and sadly come across this more times than I care to mention but it’s always different when it’s your own isn’t it? I’ve made a point of always listening to her and have been one of the few not to eliminate her from my life. She’s angry that people still choose to spend time with him and when she does get angry, talks about going to the police to report him. I have limited contact with DU but AIBU to think that people shouldn’t be taking sides? The way I see it is that there’s only 2 people here who will ever know the truth…

OP posts:
MollieMarie · 19/11/2022 10:48

What reason would she have for making up claims like that against her own father?

onyourbill · 19/11/2022 11:01

MollieMarie · 19/11/2022 10:48

What reason would she have for making up claims like that against her own father?

I have no idea 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
TulaDoesTheHula · 19/11/2022 11:19

I have limited contact with DU but AIBU to think that people shouldn’t be taking sides? The way I see it is that there’s only 2 people here who will ever know the truth…

Well not picking a side would mean maintaining an equal relationship with both of them but then you say She’s angry that people still choose to spend time with him so she wants them to pick her side, doesn’t she? Do people know she’s angry at them for talking to your uncle?

Why do you have limited contact with your uncle? Have you picked a side?

Sirzy · 19/11/2022 11:24

The problem is by not “picking a side” they are saying they don’t believe her so in that situation I can see why it hurts her.

onyourbill · 19/11/2022 11:29

TulaDoesTheHula · 19/11/2022 11:19

I have limited contact with DU but AIBU to think that people shouldn’t be taking sides? The way I see it is that there’s only 2 people here who will ever know the truth…

Well not picking a side would mean maintaining an equal relationship with both of them but then you say She’s angry that people still choose to spend time with him so she wants them to pick her side, doesn’t she? Do people know she’s angry at them for talking to your uncle?

Why do you have limited contact with your uncle? Have you picked a side?

I have limited contact simply because I’ve never been close to him, I just don’t really know him. So no, I absolutely haven’t “picked” a side. People absolutely know she’s angry that they have chosen sides. I do know that she has mental health difficulties, whether this is as a result of trauma, I don’t know. But having mental health difficulties doesn’t necessarily make you a liar! Whilst I practice in mental health, I’ve also struggled with anxiety and depression for various reasons.

OP posts:
onyourbill · 19/11/2022 11:33

Sirzy · 19/11/2022 11:24

The problem is by not “picking a side” they are saying they don’t believe her so in that situation I can see why it hurts her.

Absolutely agreed.

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