To shamelessly use AIBU to ask you how do you relax?

[Firsttimehumanmumx2dogmum]

How do you relax, like, fully unwind? Do you ever feel properly relaxed?

I feel like my muscles are constantly tightening and I can't unease. Do you do different things for physical relaxation vs mental relaxation?

Or please just vent about how you can't relax. I'm constantly "switched on" and can't seem to let go.

Even if I went for a massage I know I'd be thinking "did my stomach just rumble?" "I wonder how long is left" "their hands are soft/rough/warm/cold" "oh no I need to fart" "I wonder if anyone's ever farted"

I would love your tips!

Mindfulness.
you can just listen to it on YouTube. Or get the Calm app.

Hi, yes I relax. I had to learn good relaxing when I decided to address stress.

I play board games, do jigsaws, go for long walks, watch TV, read, muck about on here, craft. Some days it is harder than others but I'm dedicated to my practice!

What is stopping you relaxing - life events or internal monologues e.g. you need to clean the house, don't be lazy?

A jigsaw!

Relaxing is mindset not an activity - so I can relax whilst doing the washing by doing it slowly, enjoying it. Same with washing up.

Slowing down is key.

Meditation is helpful but you have to work up to it. I do it in between stops on the train. I also use a shakti mat - spiky acupressure mat which helps to relieve stress

In general I read or knit to relax. Or go for a walk somewhere nice. But relaxing in the kind of situation you describe, or switching off your mental chatter, is a different thing altogether and takes serious practice! Imo it's no good just trying to switch it off in the moment when you need to - you need to actually learn and regularly train yourself to do it, through practising mindfulness and meditation. It's not easy, but it's worth it! I'm a bit rusty and need to get back to it. Yoga helps too.

Ooh I'm interested in the shakti mat, @oranga - I keep seeing them advertised and wondering if they live up to the reviews!

Mindfulness. Focusing on your breathing. It really does work, but takes a bit of practice:)

I love my mat. It take a bit of practice to get used to it but I really find it helpful

I lift weights at the gym. I always feel totally differently afterwards, mentally.

Yabu.

All of that! Young baby isn't conducive to relaxing. Internal monologue is on crack. Always feel like I should be doing something useful. Worth is based on how productive I've been.

I thought I might be 😊

I have regular massages because I suffer with stiff neck and knots in shoulders. I love having them. I always feel relaxed during and after but I wouldn't say my mind doesn't have chatter. Sometimes I wonder how long is left, but not always. More often than not I am relaxing but actually thinking about and processing my day or week I've had. It's basically just quiet time to do that and I just let my mind wander wherever it wants. It's really hard not to have the internal chatter and to do that it's actually mindfulness and takes a lot of conscious practice. I guess what I'm saying is things like a massage can be both physically and mentally relaxing whilst your mind is still busy thinking things.

Things that involve your brain to keep it occupied but in a sort of repetitive, passive state are best. Oddly I find driving calming for this reason. Jigsaws.

It sounds like everything takes practice. I think I want a quick fix that doesn't exist.

How often did you practice mindfulness or meditation? How long did it take until you felt you "had it"?

Also, with a massage it helps to easily relax when you go to the same therapist and have been for a long time, which is what I do. When I go to a spa day occasionally and have a treatment I find I'm not as relaxed because I don't know the person.

(I should say driving when the car is otherwise empty. I do not find driving my two young DC about calming)

Internal monologue is on crack. Always feel like I should be doing something useful. Worth is based on how productive I've been.

Very common. Can you slooow down, do a really thorough, mindful job of e.g. making the very best cake you can? Then really appreciate your own work.

I found it painful at first, but these days I do less and feel I've achieved more. Shushing the head voices and changing what your head says is possible..

Internal monologue is on crack. Always feel like I should be doing something useful. Worth is based on how productive I've been.

Are you me? This is exactly what I am like. I feel guilty relaxing. Feels like a huge waste of time. My mum was like this too.

I have a particular problem with TV because my parents disapproved of it, other than for news and current affairs. Any screen based entertainment makes me feel properly guilty and I can’t do binge tv.

Yoga
Knitting
Baking

For me, it needs to be something that I can physically do and mentally concentrate on. I'm terrible at just sitting down to "do mindfulness" but I enjoy mindfully doing things, if that makes sense.

This is hard! Switching off the mental chatter is always difficult. I also get a very stiff neck and shoulders over the course of the work week and I remember it being very bad when feeding and hefting round a baby all day. So you've got several different things at play here, they are connected - e.g. tense muscles will signal to your brain that it should be ready for action and vice versa - but they need different things to be able to relax.

For a tense body, Pilates, yoga, massage, a gentle swim, sauna/steam.
For a tense mind, you need to work out what works for you. Some people need to distract by making the mind busy with something else (reading, puzzles), some people are better at switching off and focusing on the present (mindfulness, nature, craft).
The important first step for all of these things is taking our time for yourself and making self-care a really important part of your routine.

Ways I relax include reading, watching a good drama, having a walk in nature. Just lying down, deep breathing and consciously relaxing each part of my body helps too.

Releasing tension in your body helps release tension in your mind and vice versa. The opposite also works so keeping tension in your body makes you more likely to have anxious thoughts.

Yoga, pilates, cardio, walking, weights, all great.
Mindfulness/meditation also great.
Hot bath/sauna etc.
Singing.
Jigsaw/puzzle..

I don't think there's a quick fix. It's about finding what you enjoy and making time for it on a regular basis.

I personally find horse riding incredibly relaxing but it's not like I'm there doing nothing - I'm working hard but I find being on a horse to be incredibly therapeutic. I only discovered it about 18 months ago and my weekly lessons are what I look forward to the most!