No contact with sister

[Foxyaus]

Am I being unreasonable to sever all contact with my sister?
My sister has allowed her convicted paedophile partner to return to the family home after they served their jail sentence and in so doing forced one of her children and young grandchildren to move out.

I have already banned the partner from my life and feel that doing the same to my sister may be best for me.
I know the details of the abhorrent crimes the partner committed and do not understand how my sister could allow this person back in the home and worse still, try to downplay what has happened.
What would you do?

Exactly what you're planning to do.

By allowing him to come back, she has made the decision, not you.

You are in no way in the wrong for not wanting him in your life. I’m sure she will lose a lot of friends who know what’s happened to.

Look at it that way.

I'd clearly, bluntly inform her of my decision and sever contact permanently.and completely I'd reach out to the child to maintain familial contact with that generation. Equally I'd understand if they chose to simply consider the family a closed chapter in their life.

She's kind of taken any decision out of your hands anyway by welcoming him back into her life.
The fact she's downplaying his actions is more worrying.
I'm glad your Niece and her children are now safe.
If you choose to go NC I would make sure your clearly tell her why.

Thanks, I have now severed all contact with that person, and the fallout has commenced!
My mother is very reactive, an absolute drama queen who will do anything for a good story - so her reaction on being told I have severed contact was to lie about several things then wail that "There will be no Christmas"
🙄Honestly, I almost laughed out loud - just another example of my gloriously selfish family.
I am convinced both my mother and her husband knew of the situation with the Peadophile returning, especially her husband, as he was happy to hear when that scum was released from jail.
I have warned my mother that my sister is not to be mentioned , I have explained my reasons and I will not discuss the situation in any way - and if she or her husband try to get information from my family, they will be shown the door, Christmas or not.

The last two days, since making the break, have been the most peaceful I have had for quite some time.

Just to clarify, my own children are not young and I do not have grandchildren, nor would I ever be in the proximity of the peadophile in any way, so my family are safe.

Even though your children are grown and safe, you are still benefiting your wider family’s safety; your sister’s child can see you standing up and saying this is unacceptable. When the whole family lets things continue like that it’s like being gaslit, you feel crazy thinking I’m sure this can’t be normal but everyone’s acting like it is. Especially at Christmas. Seeing someone else making it clear it is not okay- it’s hugely validating and helpful.

You are doing the right thing. My childhood bestie has a brother convicted of the same. She went as far as to ask me to help his defence. I hadn't seen him for 30+ years. She may accept his excuses, I don't. I am FB only with her.
Your mum is being narcissistic. It isn't about her.

Update: I am completely no contact with my sister, all her family and my mother and her husband.
The abuse and lies escalated in the past few months, to the point where my mother claims the paedophile had his privacy invaded - by people finding evidence of his crimes!!!
Also a smear campaign against my husband (who has remained quiet about this on public) , accusing him of spreading rumours around town.
They are trying to break up my marriage in the hope I will then "return to the family".
The mother of the abused children is " back in the family as if nothing ever happened and it's so wonderful" according to my mother, but I will never be involved again.
My mother has lost all respect from my adult children, due to the nonsense and lies she has spoken to them.
I now have no contact with any of my family, and deal with the fallout as best I can.
It's amazing to me that I'm isolated due to standing up for the children and not condoning the behaviour of these people but they are all interacting as if nothing happened.
They even got together at Easter, we were the only ones excluded from being invited.
The children are the most damaged in this - forced into the company of people who condone the abuse.

I’m sorry you found yourself in this awful situation and well done for being so strong. Are you still in contact with your sister’s child and grandchild?

No, my adult daughter keeps in touch with the children but their mother is not above holding that contact to ransom - veiled threatening about "what's best for the girls" when she's on her second bottle of wine for the night and conveniently forgets the facts.
Apparently then she decides we may not be good for the girls to be in contact with

• probably because she is afraid they will tell us how their lives are now.