To think this is an awful way to handle things? Would you? Absent father turning up up with stepdaughter

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Disclaimer, I know It's none of my business and I just want to know if the way I feel is unreasonable & what others would feel. I can't change anything about it and won't say anything to anyone. I just feel sorry for the child.

A woman I know through our art group who I class as a friend, has a son in his early twenties. He has a 4 year old daughter (friend's DGD obviously). When she was about 18 months old he left her life, disappeared and got into crime and being a general idiot, and eventually friend learned that he had set up home with another young woman who had a son of a similar age. Friend tried to contact him to no avail.

So he's been out of their lives for this long.

Then suddenly he's contacted his DM and asked if he can come over. This was a couple of days ago. He turned up that morning with the woman he's now with and her son.

Apparently the two children played happily together and all was fine.

I just feel so sorry for his DD. Am I wrong?

Realised my title makes no sense-I've tried to change details for obvious reasons. Shouldn't affect the post though.

The kids probably played fine as the DD had no idea who he was or the significance of the situation. To a 4yo, some grown-ups mummy seems to know turned up with a new friend.

When she has time to progress, I think there will be a lot of hurt and jealousy directed towards the little boy for 'replacing her', so it was a dick move on the adults part to put him in the firing line like that, and scupper any chance of the kids getting on long term. Part of me suspects when this inevitably happen, instead of acknowledging any part in it, the farther and girlfriend will wring their hands about how it's unfortunate but not fair to force the kids together, so dissappear from her life again.

Yes that's true. I wanted to ask did his child even know who he was but I didn't. I just think yes, dick move is a good way to put it

You're not wrong. He's an arsehole.

Wonder how much money he wants or when he wants to move in…

Does the DGD live with your friend? Or spend a lot of time there?
I'm confused about why she was there when this guy showed up - if he'd phoned in advance to say he was coming so your friend had some warning of the visit, did she deliberately arrange for his child to be present? Did she discuss this with the child's mum? Where is she in all of this? Surely she should have a say in whether or not/ when her DD meets the father who abandoned them both?

Sorry, I should have clarified. Yes my friend has his child at least 50% of the time. certainly every weekend and on some days/nights much of the week. Her Mother isn't very invested either. I don't know if the Mother knew. I don't want to pry, after all I doubt my opinion is worth much in this scenario.

Poor little girl

Yes I feel sorry for the girl, but not specifically because of this incident, to be honest I don’t even understand what you are getting at.

@Aprilx of course the whole scenario is awful. I guess I mean this particular situation, Dad wants to come back in child's life, I thought this is a particularly clumsy and ill-thought out way of doing it.

Probably he told the new girlfriend he has a dd and now he has to pretend he has a relationship with her.

My friends ex does this, no interest in their children sometimes then every so often he has a girlfriend with child and he is father of the year. Taking them in Big Days Out and putting it all on Facebook. Then he hets a new girlfriend and it all stops again,

Just awful @SisterGeorgeMichael. It's obviously something that happens often. I can't fathom how people think its an acceptable way to be. Everyone thought it was so sweet they just got on with playing together, apparently.