Family Birthday

[Ades12]

My OH’s brother has a big birthday next Summer, and he’s having a big party (50+) at their family home in Spain. We’ve got two small kids (3/1), and I’ve been told by my OH that we can’t take the kids as we wouldn’t be able to stay for long at the party/stay at the house, and if we can’t find childcare for the kids to stay in the UK with my family then I’d have to stay in the UK with the kids as it’s their brother. I have always made a good effort with their family and have a good relationship with them, but this has got me feeling frozen out - AIBU?

I can see why that would make you feel unwanted there OP.

Nope, you're not being unreasonable but I'm sure there'll be a few along shortly to assure you that you're a controlling woman who doesn't trust her man or allow him any freedom.
There will also be a few who'll scream LTB. You're being controlled and abused and he'll be shagging left, right and centre if you 'let' him go alone.
Are there no other family members or friends who have been invited and will have the same childcare problem?

No, we’re the only ones with kids that’ll be invited.

Yanbu, your dh isn’t even trying for you all to go is he?

Why can’t you all stay near the house so all 4 of you can go?

Apparently that wouldn’t work because the party wouldn’t be suitable for kids, so we couldn’t go for more than an hour with them. Are you suggesting we get a house nearby and I stay back and look after the kids during the party?

Could you get a family member to come on holiday with you and care for the kids on the day of the party for a few hours?

At least you'd get a holiday!

This actually a good idea.

Seriously rude- it’s up to you to figure out that trekking two young kids abroad for a party is not worth it. I’d not go and nor would I sign the card or wish him a happy birthday.

Would the party be suitable for a baby and a 3 year old? If not, what do YOU suggest looks after them OP?

I think a lot of this depends on how he said it! If he sounded like “oh there’s a bit of an issue, not sure how we’ll get round it but let’s try to think of what would be best…” it’s somewhat difference to “oh there’s a party, I’m going, you can come if you sort childcare but otherwise you’re out”. It’s all about his attitude rather than the facts. He might well be right that the part isn’t suitable for the kids, it’s his family.

I think it might work well if a family member (of yours) came with you all, and looked after the kids at whatever place you hire whilst you both have a night out at the party. Then you’re on equal footing and there’s a family holiday, just with a party in the middle of it.

But also the two of your leaving the kids with a friend or family member (if there is someone) in the UK isn’t such a bad idea either. Just for a couple of days.