Presents for friends' kids

[whatdoyouthink22]

Hi All,

I have a quick question - not sure if it's really an AIBU one or more of a question. For context I have no children and no immediate plans for them (I do ideally want them one day).

In the last year my friends have really stepped up their baby game and I now have 4 close friends with kids (6 kids in total)

My mum had me quite a bit later than her friends and had always given presents to her friends kids so I used to get money/presents from her friends. I want to know what most people would expect. My instinct is that I should give presents to the 6 kids but I am conscious that this number will likely grow. I want things to treat them all fairly (including any future ones).

Also what would be considered to be a reasonable gift. My first thought is £20 each (maybe £10 in money and a small toy/piece of clothing) but conscious that would amount to £120 for christmas (and the same for birthdays!).

I am lucky in that the money element is not massively problematic at the moment and I could afford to do it but conscious that the babies are just going to keep racking up! If it was 20 kids (not out of the question) then that is £800 a year without even considering if I was made Godmother/ it was big birthday etc!

What would you advise/what do you do with your kids?

I wouldn't start tbh and your friends probably don't expect anything.

If you really want to I would go for a token gift, either selection box, a book or pair of PJs.

I only buy for my best friends kids because we are like aunts to each others children. I don't buy for any other kids that aren't nephews and nieces and I have way too many of them!

With my friends, we agreed on just doing kids birthdays, not Xmas.

Don't do it, it becomes years of expense.

I don’t buy friends children anything - where does it stop! I have one childfree friend who get our child a present and it’s lovely, but I do feel a bit guilty as it’s not reciprocated (I usually get her something extra on her birthday). I certainly wouldn’t expect it. Children get so much for Christmas anyway, just send a nice card.

Tread carefully . My friend now buys for 26 and it costs her a fortune but she feels she can't stop as she has done it for so long .

I would say just don't do it! Where would it ever stop. It would mount up and up to ridiculous levels and cost a bomb even if you put a low spend limit on for each child.

I never bought for friends' children, and thankfully they never bought for mine.

Don't set the president of spending £20 per child, especially as you say, the numbers will go up. If you want to get something stick to chocolate santa/colouring book level presents.

Op other consideration is in a few years if you have children that's a lot of extra gifts you'd be receiving too.

I think most just buy for their very closest friends children, if that. If buying for lots then it's either around £10-20 or small token gifts.
DH friends do buy for all the children I think (seems so) and it's usually cheap things to make it affordable to buy for all. In the past it's been things like colouring books and pens, books, sweets, Teddy keyrings, slime, bubbles etc.

I don't think it's expected at all.

My BFF buys for my DC but doesn't have any of her own (yet) but if she does I will buy for them as she is more like a sister to me and my DC call her Auntie . She buys individual birthday gifts for them to the value of £10 each but for Christmas, it's a joint gift to the value of £20, so things like books, games etc.
I don't buy for other friends children though and they don't buy for mine. A card is more than enough.

I have a DD but I was the last of my friends to have kids, I only ever bought for my best friends kids at Christmas and only something small, usually a book, my other close friends kids got birthday pressies but not Xmas. DH buys for his godchildren but no one else’s kids.

My kid gets a lot from
Family

I really don't want my friends to put themselves out buying gifts and remembering birthdays!

I have only ever bought presents when friends have had babies close or not thats it as you say it never ends we now concentrate on our grandchildren all our kids are adults yes we have nieces and nephews a dozen or so plus but we dont buy for them as we have hardly seen them. we set a budget for our granchildren they have other family members that buy for them also 1 was born in november and the other in october so quite close to christmas they do very well.

I don’t expect friends to buy my child presents. It’s nice to do, but really not a necessity

I’d only buy if you’re seeing them around Christmas. And then just a book. Maybe some chocolate for the older ones. It’s really kind that you’re thinking of this. As a parent I never mind people not buying for my kids

I don't routinely send "proper" gifts for friend's kids. I have just set up a tradition where for Christmas I get them all a selection box and for birthdays they get some chocolate/sweets. Costs £1/2 each and even at Christmas when I have to buy them all at once I'm only spending about £25 total on them all.

The only non-family members children I get actual gifts for is my bffs three (DS15, DD8 and DD7) and it doesn't have to be anything major.

This year they've all got a selection box each; DS15 got a Lynx set and two bottles of Prime (it's like gold dust round here); and the DDs both got a Disney colouring book, some Crayola pens and a little craft kit (bracelet making/bath bomb making) as they love arts and crafts stuff. Everything was bought in sales/picked up when there were good deals on so I don't think I spent more than about £6 on each of them but it's something for them to open on the day.

She is a single parent whose immediate family all live at least 3+hrs away and her extended family all have their own grown up kids/grandkids etc so they don't really do presents so my friend doesn't get many gifts so I like to get her and the kids something.

Me and my 5 friends have 11 kids between us. One of the 6 has no children. We stopped presents a few years ago. We just do birthdays as they are more spread out. We usually do a day out instead. The friend with no children has never bought the kids presents and I wouldn't expect her to, she also chooses not to attend the day out which I also don't blame her for!!! 😉

Just be aware once you start, it's hard to stop and harder to get them things they like as they get older. It's easier not to start at all. You could just buy them gifts randomly (I liked getting people's kids gifts because I wanted to, but now I feel I have to because I've set the expectation. Of course I could just stop though)

I don't buy bday or Christmas pressies for my friends' kids as I'd be starring a tradition which is hard to get out of. However sometimes if I go for a visit I'll take something small eg a book, a small metal car, dress, bubbles.......all of which I've bought on offer. That way there is no expectation, its easy to stop when times are lean and you're not getting yourself into something that's impossible to back out of

I wouldn't expect gifts from friends for my children unless they had children who were friends with mine and they wanted to exchange something.
If you'd like to give something, a selection box or bag of sweets given in the run up to Xmas is a nice gesture. It's easier to stop as well, and they won't start expecting presents from you as they get older.

Never bought presents for friends children, apart from when they were born.

Don't start !!!!

This.

Birth gift and that was it.

Definitely don't start it.

Don’t start it, it will get out of control! Just send them a card if you want to.

It's never ending. Don't start.

Maybe a selection pack for each child as a token gift x