Presents for friends' kids

[whatdoyouthink22]

Hi All,

I have a quick question - not sure if it's really an AIBU one or more of a question. For context I have no children and no immediate plans for them (I do ideally want them one day).

In the last year my friends have really stepped up their baby game and I now have 4 close friends with kids (6 kids in total)

My mum had me quite a bit later than her friends and had always given presents to her friends kids so I used to get money/presents from her friends. I want to know what most people would expect. My instinct is that I should give presents to the 6 kids but I am conscious that this number will likely grow. I want things to treat them all fairly (including any future ones).

Also what would be considered to be a reasonable gift. My first thought is £20 each (maybe £10 in money and a small toy/piece of clothing) but conscious that would amount to £120 for christmas (and the same for birthdays!).

I am lucky in that the money element is not massively problematic at the moment and I could afford to do it but conscious that the babies are just going to keep racking up! If it was 20 kids (not out of the question) then that is £800 a year without even considering if I was made Godmother/ it was big birthday etc!

What would you advise/what do you do with your kids?

I don’t expect friends to buy my DC anything; a couple do but most don’t as we have an agreement that Christmas is costly and these kids get enough already.

I think if you presume that eventually there will be a lot of children to buy for then around £10 value is more than enough. Up to you of course

Thank you that's really helpful.

I wouldn't feel obliged to buy for a friend's children. I am now have adult children but no grandchildren and 8 great nieces and nephews. When the first great nephew was born I decided to only buy at Christmas not birthdays, my reasoning was that I didn't know how many I might eventually have to buy for and with Christmas you can resort to a shared tin of chocolates per family rather than individual presents if need be. Currently I buy individual age appropriate books for them all. So, if you did feel you wanted to do something maybe just Christmas not birthdays.

I wouldn't start it OP as it will be never ending.

Don't do it! As you say you'll have to continue with it and at some point it will get out of hand and you'll find it a chore or too expensive.
Kids get so much at Christmas anyway, they won't miss it

What have you done in previous years, OP? (I am assuming that all 6 children haven't all been born in the past year?).
Have you always brought the children gifts? Is it because there are more children now, and you are starting to think about more long-term? If you want to buy the children gifts then set a budget that you can afford. if that budget is £100 this year, then great - split that equally between the 6 children. If that budget remains the same next year, but another friend has a child in that time, then that budget will need to be split between 7 instead of 6.

Honestly though, I don't buy my friend's children gift. I will buy a birthday present if I am invited to a birthday party (e.g. one of my friends has a party for her child's friends, but also had a family meal this year, for aunts/uncles/grandparents etc, which she also invited me, and a couple of our other friends too - I took a present to this).

I wouldn’t continue doing it. If you do really want to get them something, then get something small. It can be something for a couple of pound wrapped up nice - that’s enough I think.

If you felt you wanted to buy something, a big box of biscuits or chocolates for the family, or a board game to share?

Something when they’re born yes. Not for birthdays and Christmas. Unless you have a similar aged child and they are invited to a birthday party.

We buy joint gifts like a game. Often under a tenner per family.

Don't do it.

Unnecessary gifts are a waste of money and resources - they are often unwanted, unappreciated and unused.

It also creates a financial obligation for them if you have children to reciprocate, which they may not wish to/be able to do.

Give the gift of time and support instead. Take them for coffee and cake.

I wouldn't expect gifts from friends for children as like you say it would just mount up and then they might worry about reciprocating as well.

The only ones of my friends who give my children gifts are their godparents.

We don't do friends children, all agreed at the outset. The kids now get something for their best friends at school but that's it.

My best mate m, child free, buys for mine and I always feel bad so I take her out for a meal and it kind of evens up.

Only grandparents, godparents and occasionally biological aunties/ uncles of close / not big family but presents for friend/family children.

I don't get why you'd start doing this OP, you're over thinking it

It would stress me out if you were a friend (not a godparent) buying gifts for my DCs, as I'd have to worry about us buying you a gift too and frankly we don't have the money to spare. It's kinder not to start this up

I wouldn't start buying gifts for dc of friends, OP.
It will be never ending.

I've never bought for friends dc (other than when they are born) and none of my friends bought four our dc.

Don't start it !

I don’t buy for any friends’ children and they don’t buy for mine, much easier not to start I think. If you want to give them a token if you’re seeing them something like a chocolate Santa or a &5 book or something would be perfect but honestly I wouldn’t start it - really hard as you say but I really don’t think it would be expected at all. It’s lovely of you to think of it though!

Are you going to visit them at home at Xmas? If yes, I would take what you usually take e.g a bottle of wine or a box of chocolates and alongside it a small toy for a child something around £5 . If you are just doing get together somewhere with a few friends I would bring a chocolate reindeer / Santa for each child, not a big one just a token.
I wouldn’t expect friends to buy for my child just because they are my friends, no.

I wouldn't start but if you wanted to
Maybe a selection box when they get old enough?
And maybe a book but you'll tie yourself in knots trying not to duplicate anything.

Don't do it. It will never end.

I wouldn't expect any friends to buy for my kids and I don't do it for them.

It’s lovely of you to consider this but think carefully because once you start, you can’t really just decide to stop out of the blue one year! Certainly I wouldn’t dream of spending £20 each on my friends’ kids!

Op I'm another in the Don't Do It category.

I started it with one friend, then when mine came along friend said let's stop this.
I've another who now has an 18yo that I'm trying to workout how do I say 18 = adult I'm not doing it.

If you really think you should do Selection box.

Don't start it. Before you know it you'll be buying for 20 kids, costing you a fortune and it's hard to stop once you've started.

Only one of my friends buys for my kids. My best friend, my kids call her "Auntie". Also she knows that I wouldn't be offended if she said she could no longer afford to buy them things.

I have lots of friends with kids, but the only two I buy for are the kids of my oldest and best friend. It's currently a £30 per kid limit. Has been since they were born. As they are currently still quite little (infant school age), £30 buys something pretty decent. But I am aware that £30 going forwards will be more of a "token gift" as they get older and more expensive!