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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A tired mum and partner– advice please

4 replies

JKoven · 18/11/2022 10:39

Am I being unreasonable. My partner and I live in a two bedroom flat. Together we have 4 kids that live with us. The oldest is 17 so has one of the bedrooms. We have a 5-year old a 3-year old and a 2 month old. We we have a sofa bed in the living room and the kids have the other bedroom. The baby obviously sleeps with us in the front room. My partner works hard, he works from 7 in the morning till 5 p.m. and his job is quite stressful. We have a very loving relationship and we get on very well, and we hardly argue. We are best friends and so hang out a lot and do a lot of things together. However I am extremely tired, I feel like I am my partner's mum sometimes. I do all the housework, cooking, shopping, school runs, getting the kids ready for bed, the washing up, my partner's lunch for the next day which i then put into his lunch bag first thing in the morning at 5 when he gets up in the morning. If I don't put it in the lunch bag then he doesn't do it himself and wont it take it to work. I cut all his fruit up because he drives a lot so it's easier for him to eat. On a weekend it's pretty much the same. With me trying to keep the two bedroom flat tidy doing the laundry, cooking, washing up etc etc. I just feel like I need some extra help. my partner and I mostly argue about the lack of stuff he does around the house. It's gotten to the point that I have to remind him to pick up his towels or to put his boxers in the wash. He trims his beard and hair each Saturday but then leaves the sink a mess. I feel like I'm constantly cleaning up after him and the children. However if I do mention any of this to him he says he's tired from work, which I do understand just tidying up after himself would help some. If he eats some chocolate or has a can of Coke once he's finished you just leave them on the side or on the floor by the sofa for me to move and tidy. I know I could just leave it and eventually maybe, maybe he would clean up after himself however due to the flat being so small and my anxiety I need to have a clean living space so end up just looking after and tidying up after everyone. I do the night feeds and get up with our little boy as my partner has to get up for work and I know he gets tired. However on a Friday night my partner will game with his mate on the Xbox. This can go on till 1, 2 maybe 3 in the morning. My partner isn't quiet when he games. So on a Friday night I sleep on a blow-up bed in the kids room to get some sleep. He will get the sofa bed out once he has finished gaming and come and wake me up so I know to go to bed. I know that gaming relaxes him after a stressful week. However if he's too tired to help around the house or with the children should he be gaming to the early hours of the morning. Friday is it only day he games so it's not too much of a problem however I get upset when on a Saturday or Sunday I asked for help and he says he's tired and needs to rest. When I mention him game until late at night he says I'm nagging and trying to take away his fun.
This is generally the only thing in our relationship that is hard work. But whenever we discuss it he either says he will change or it just ends up in an argument which never resolves anything. I'm tired of constantly doing everything. I understand work is hard and tiring I've only just gone on maternity leave myself. I feel like I'm constantly nagging my partner to help around the house. Am I being unreasonable, should I just suck it up and do everything. I love my partner, and he treats me me with a lot of love and respect. Any advice would be helpful, thank you, from a tired mum and partner.

OP posts:
AloysiusBear · 18/11/2022 10:44

If I don't put it in the lunch bag then he doesn't do it himself and wont it take it to work.

Stop doing it. He's an adult, he can get his own lunch.

he treats me me with a lot of love and respect.

No, he doesn't. If he did you wouldn't have to be picking up after him & he wouldn't be gaming until 2am while you are forced to sleep on an airbed.

Don't have any more bloody kids with him, that's for sure

AloysiusBear · 18/11/2022 10:44

Ps 7-5pm isn't crazy hours. Many people work 8-6, its quite normal particular if your partner is at home with kids so you don't have childcare drop offs.

Neodymium · 18/11/2022 10:51

thats terrible - making you sleep on an airbed so he can game. What will happen when you return to work? Honestly it sounds like you have another teenager living there. Gaming all night, leaving a mess, and not taking any responsibility for themselves.

Hankunamatata · 18/11/2022 10:53

Stop running around after him. You don't need to get up with him when he goes to work, he can make his own lunches.

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