To ask you lot for help? How do I become a sparkling hostess?

[SundayFundays]

A couple of years ago DH was made manager of his branch. Because covid, there's been no Christmas do's, and this year there is. The managers wife is expected to mingle, chat with the other wives (male dominated area, only one woman works there, clients are mostly men) you know the thing.
Problem is, I'm rather the introvert. I sit in corners at parties, chat to a couple of friends and people watch. DH is quite similar, but can "turn it on" when he needs to, and he already knows everyone. I'm not very people-y. I'd prefer to sit and chat to a couple of the staff I know well, and get quietly pissed like pre-covid times. Now I have to potter around and make small talk with complete strangers and I'm a bit aaargh!! about it.
How do I get a complete personality change? What do I say to people? Help me!

Who is expecting you to mingle and be the sparkling hostess ?? I’m sure the party wouldn’t fall flat if you couldn’t make it or your DH didn’t actually have a partner.

It sounds horrendous and outdated that spouses keeping to themselves while the employees bunch together. Personally, I would say home and not go to such an event.

If you do go, I would chat to people as you normally would and perhaps keep an eye out for another guest that seems to be on her own/looks left out. You could look ridiculous flitting from one group to the other trying to be this fantastic hostess for an event that you don’t need to host!

Fuck. How awful. Fake covid.

Channel my wife who when asked if she would like to attend the directors’s Xmas party with me (not hosting) said “I’m not some fucking corporate trophy wife”.

reader, I went alone.

Where are you from?

I would avoid this question as it could be misinterpreted as 'you are not from round here, are you?'

Best avoided.

Lots of other more neutral questions on the thread already.

I feel like this isn't the managers wife's job, but anyone who is hosting isn't it?

Oh sorry I read the title and assumed you were hosting then skim read, but it's just a night out, you're not hosting. So ignore my previous response. You're putting too much pressure on yourself. Just be your normal self and the rest with flow. You're obvs very lovely as you're so worried about it. Hope it goes well

I agree. I accompany my husband to things like this but also nice versa. And I guess the norm is you expect partners (make or female) to engage if they've bothered to turn up. Not necessarily "sparkle"

Another good tip - find yourself a job that forces you to mingle e.g. handing round drinks or canapés. Delicious nibbles and a big smile, you won’t need much conversation.

Sparking hostess is hilarious.

It is utterly sexist OP, it’s your husband’s job, long gone are the days the wife was expected to be a career helpmeet (unless he’s a tory MP, possibly.)

Anyway sparking hostess or not I can see you have to mingle at your husband’s work do. The advantage of being the host is that people expect you to come up
and ask how they are, so it’s easier. So find out as much as you can about who is coming and what they are interested in, so you can ask them about themselves and what’s going on in their lives. Think about what you want to share about yourself (people like being asked about themselves, but they don’t want to be interviewed). Do some reading so you can chat about what’s going on in the world -comment pieces or The Week is good. See a couple of current films, read a current book. Move on every ten minutes, have a drink before you start for a bit of a boost nn it then alternate with sparking water, and know how much you plan to drink and don’t exceed it. Make sure you feel good about how you look.

This is completely sexist. Who is actually expecting this anyway? I'd leave DH to sort out the hosting.
If anyone truly expects you to host then they can jolly well just be disappointed that it's no longer the 1950s.

This sounds horrific!!

Thanks for the helpful advice.

I'm not sure why so many are saying it's sexist. The partner of the manager is expected to host/mingle/chat. Hosting/mingling/chatting are not my strong point. I suppose it's like if you were throwing a party at home. You and your DP would be chatting to all the guests. Difference here, is I don't know most of them
It just so happens that my DH works in a place where mainly men work. And the customers are also mainly men (it's building trade for anyone who wants to know).
The way these events go is the way they have been for years, and across multiple locations each year.

I'm very much an introvert and feel awkward with new people.

I might just buy the spanking skirt. Then I can happily stand facing a wall and everyone else will have plenty to talk about 😁

My plan is as brief a mingle as I can, get the food served up then bugger off home asap!

They are saying it’s sexist because in female dominated professions the male partner of the senior woman in the workplace is not expected to play a supportive role in this fashion. And if the sole woman ever made to your DH’s position the expectations on her partner would not be the same either.

But that doesn’t mean you are obliged to try and fix hundreds of years of gender-role development. You don’t have to do it, but if you want to support your partner rather than challenging these expectations, there’s good advice on the thread.