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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To work full time?

8 replies

Dottypenguin · 18/11/2022 08:32

I have three children, 7, 12 and 14. I stopped at home until the 12 year old was 4 and then went back to work before unexpectedly (husband had had a vasectomy!) falling pregnant with dc3. I stopped home until she was 3 and then went back very very part time - which then led into the pandemic anyway so it was difficult to do much more as I then had three children at home (like most people).

In September I changed my role and I’m now almost full time in a more demanding job. I am much more tired and it obviously takes me being a lot more organised with the dc and the house to fit everything in.
My youngest is now at a childminder two afternoons and wrap around two afternoons. I can get her one afternoon as I finish slightly earlier on that day. I can take her every day.
My mother keeps telling me how tragic it is that she is missing out compared to dc1 and dc2 and that she will be too tired and won’t cope. She keeps saying what a shame it is for dc3 as she is losing out because I selfishly want a career. My own mother never worked after having me.
Im a bit tired of it. I do miss having time with dc3 and I am much more tired but I also need to have a job.
aibu? My mum says dc3 will be ‘damaged’ by it. The only thing I will say is because I am SO tired by the time I finish work, do dinner etc I don’t really feel like doing a huge amount with the dc and at the weekends I am also pretty worn out.

OP posts:
Topgub · 18/11/2022 08:37

Your mum is chatting shit and unless you're now a single parent I don't see why everything is your responsibility

Caramelhoneygold · 18/11/2022 08:39

I think your mum is really overstepping the mark, which is fairly obvious.

My concern would be the levels of tiredness you describe and the effect this has on you, though. It’s not unreasonable to work full time but it shouldn’t leave you completely drained.

It is also OK to work part time if that works best for you.

MolesOnPoles · 18/11/2022 08:40

Does your mother say the same about your DH?

glassblowers · 18/11/2022 08:48

Your mother sounds rude, but maybe she is concerned about you OP, if you're telling her you are tired? What will happen in the school holidays?

vivainsomnia · 18/11/2022 08:53

Your mum is just trying to justify the choice she made herself, one she might potentially regret.

Of course children of FT parents are not traumatised. Unless your dd is crying, showing signs of distress, then she will fare as well as her siblings.

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/11/2022 08:56

DC3 will not be damaged by it as long as the care is good. People like your mum (and many others) say this because it feels like a criticism of their lives.

However, after such a long time at home I am guessing your DP isn’t stepping up, so focus on making sure you do 50/50 childcare and chores so you aren’t so tired. There are lots of threads on how to work on this.

Mariposista · 18/11/2022 09:00

Stay at work.

Tdcp · 18/11/2022 09:01

You have to do what you have to do, your dc won't be damaged by it at all! Yes they might be tired while they adjust but it's effectively playtime with their friends it's not like they're working at school!

Your mum needs to butt out.

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