AIBU to move my son mid way through the school year

[Sunshineandalltherainbows]

This has been such a stressful time. I have taught at the same school as my children for a number of happy years. My eldest is in secondary and thrived at the primary we were at. My youngest had a difficult start to school but that was purely COVID related. However, over the last 12 or so months in particular with a new headteacher the school has become unrecognisable. To say the school has a behaviour problem is an understatement. It all came to a head when I was assaulted and hospitalised and am facing the prospect of being permanently disabled. The headteacher did not come when I requested help. The unions are heavily involved as are the council and a solicitor. 5 teachers are leaving this Christmas as the behaviour is getting everyone down. I am still off sick due to my injury.
My son hasn't been unhappy but has never been particularly happy at school. He's asked to sit with a child with additional need to help calm him and this makes him anxious. I put him on waiting lists for every local primary school after my injury as I felt so disgusted at the way the school was run and decisions that we being made.
A space is available at a school which is a less than 10 minute drive away with a good reputation. We were all overjoyed as was my son at first. He is now tearful saying he might not like his new school and wants me to cancel his place.
AIBU to force him to go to this new school. I am genuinely only doing this as I think it will be the best thing I could ever do for him. If I had a year R child now I would run for the hills at a school recently in special measures it just wasn't like this before.
I feel guilty and stressed that I am causing my son distress at the moment but I am so sure he would settle in at new school before too long.

Could you go and look around the new school with him for reassurance? Explain your situation to them first and hopefully they'll be accommodating. So sorry to hear what you've been through. I'd move my son in a heartbeat. Kids don't always know what's best for them and can be scared by change. You know what's best and you'll just have to support DS through the move.

You poor thing, that’s incredibly stressful.

My DC1 has changed school twice mid year and is in his 5th school now (expats!) and honestly it’s fine. There’s always nerves and a bit of sadness at leaving but every time he has settled and thrived. DC2 is in his 4th school and also totally fine

You are doing the right thing. Move him.

a choice between a school with a poor head where a teacher is assaulted leaving them with permenant disability? V a local school with a good reputation that you (presumably) liked when you visited?

He’s in reception he will barely remember this decision in years to come but the impact on his education and development will be hugely positive.

Move him. Tell him he can always return to the old school, you know he will be happier, it’s a safe assumption he won’t want to move back. I had something sort of similar. For the first 6 months I had to kick the can down the road a bit. “Ok, let’s see how things are over the next little while, you can always change, but it’s too early yet, see how you go”. I knew they’d be fine, they are.

YANBU if you think it's in his best interests. Do try to separate out your experience of the school from his though.

He's not in reception he's in year 3. I meant if I had a child in reception I would not choose this school now. However, when he was reception the school was completely different. The new school are arranging a tour for us to look round properly and for him to see his new teacher.
It really is reassuring to hear people would do the same thing and move their child.

It’s anxiety. Move him, he will love it and never look back. Sometimes we have to be strong and guide our kids through the difficult times of accepting change. This sounds like the much better option.

Definitely move him. Can you make sure he stays in touch with the friends he has at his current school? Line up lots of regular play dates / join the same group or sports activity etc? That might make him feel better.

Move him. My daughter told me she didn't feel safe at school. We tried to resolve the issues but the school didn't help enough and she developed anxiety, panic attacks and an eating disorder.

We would have moved her mid way through a term had we been offered a place - in the need we managed to get a place for the start of Y9 and the change has been amazing for her but the damage done to her mental health while at the old school will never fully be undone.

Move him, he is just worried about the unknown.
The thing is that this is probably a one off opportunity. You have inside info on how bad things have become. Once it is common knowledge, everyone else will be applying for the other local schools, and you may end up stuck where you are.

Move him.

I moved my kids mid year after my then 7yo started self harming. We were lucky that another local school (slightly further from home) could fit them in.

Best decision we ever made. The kids had a half day trial and it was clear to everyone that new school was a better fit.

Very much this. It's natural for children to be worried about change. Big up the new school, make it exciting and I'm sure he will settle well.

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. It sounds very traumatic. I hope you recover.

You know the right thing is to move him

There is no good reason to keep him there

He will be anxious about the unknown and have cold feet.

Your job is to be firm and consistent and not bend to his anxiety. He will feed off your indecision even if it's not voiced

I'm all for hearing the child's voice but in this situation it's and adult decision to be made.

Move him, I've been in a similar situation recently with my daughters having to move them, my eldest half way through year 6, and it's the best decision I've ever made, most children adapt quickly, their primary school life is so short it isn't worth accepting what you're not happy with.

This was such good advice. Thabks everyone. It definitely is the right thing. He came out today after having a bad day. I had been to get his new uniform and he tried it all on without me saying anything. A tour is booked in next Tuesday and he starts Thursday. I'm prepared for the bumps in the road but I know I'm doing the best thing for him. The new school even said we will order his Christmas Dinner and panto ticket now and set you up on the system.

He's nearly been at his new school for a week. All seemed to be going so well. He didn't get sad about leaving his old school which surprised me. He made a friend quickly at his new school and had a party invitation after 3 days. The families seen very welcoming and friendly. His teacher came out yesterday and said he'd been wobbly and upset in the afternoon and said he wants to go back to his old school because he misses his friends. She said they could do an ELSA referral for him. At home he has been asking me to get the Christmas songs they've been doing up on YouTube and has told me he really liked French which was new to him. I said to him last night if he ever had any worries he can always speak to me or his brother or dad. He just says all is good to me. He told his brother he likes his new school he doesn't like that he can't remember the children's names and that no one knows him. He said he wishes he could move 2 friends to his new school.
I am assuming this is all normal and will settle down? Should I be too worried about what the teacher said yesterday? I think he's been bloody amazing and I'm so proud of him.

He needs time to settle. Sounds totally normal.

I'd mention to him how nice it was that teacher cared enough about him to mention to you that he seemed upset.