To have had enough of doing all the night wakings...

[Ilovechocolate87]

Both my girls, whilst wondefully lovely little things, have always been really bad sleepers.DD1 (now 5) didn't sleep through the night til she turned 2, when I night weaned her off breastfeeding in desperation.DD2 slept well at night for the first 6 months (probably because she was up all evening 😒) but since she has been going to bed at a 'normal' time of 7/8 which is now the case most evenings, she is up every couple of hours in the night and wakes between 6&7am. Every time she needs feeding back to sleep.So every time it's me settling her, just like it was with DD1 (and also because I was on mat leave til recently,i felt it was only fair I got up because DH had a full day at work in a physical job, wheras i could nap in the day anytime) To be fair if I ask him to get up and help he always will do.But the trouble is now I'm the only one who can settle her.
I really wanted to combination feed this time, knowing how draining and demanding exclusive breastfeeding could become (as much as I love it at times too) but unfortunately didn't get on with pumping and DD2 quickly developed a bottle aversion early on anyway, and it was clearly going to be an 'all or nothing approach' with one method or the other, so I chose breastfeeding.
Anyway, fast forward 13 months and I'm now stuck in the same sleepless rut as I was with DD1...and wheras last time I was a SAHM, this time I have to go to work some of the time too.Last night she had a particularly bad night as she woke at 10, 12 and 2, then I've been up since 4am trying to settle her back to sleep with no avail.I've given up now and come downstairs and put teletubbies on.

Now I'm back at work and worry about how on earth I'm going to cope going forwards.Luckily I work from home a fair bit, but as my caseload is growing, I'm out and about more, and my job includes driving around a fair bit (including transporting children) which i wouldn't be prepared to do on barely any sleep for safety reasons, so if i had a night like the one ive just had i would be phoning in "sick!'.But i obviously can't keep doing that either, so I'm seriously don't know how I will juggle everything if her sleep patterns continue this way.We have also had to quit a baby group due to me never having the energy to drive there.

Unfortunately we don't have a spare room so co-sleeping regularly isn't an option, but even when I've sent DH down on the sofa on the odd desperate night and tried to feed her back to sleep in bed, it seems to just get her more excitable instead.

Should I be nightweaning her and dragging DH out of bed more to settle her? I'm sure she won't take kindly to it (DD1 didn't at all, hence waiting til 2 when it was less painful) but really don't see a way forward otherwise....

Any advice gratefully received

How old is DD2 now (sorry I couldn't spot it!).
I would be encouraging night weaning more if she is eating well in the day or if she's over 1 now. Get your husband to go in to her, he could take her sippy cup with water (or full fat milk if she's over 1). It sounds like it's for her comfort, unless of course she isn't eating loads during the day.

I would start introducing your DH in to the mix OP. Both mine didn't sleep through till they were 4, my DH drives at high speed for a living so I did all the night waking plus a full time job. But it means my kids never settled for him, so for years I never went out. If I'm honest I dont know how I coped- I ended up quitting my london job for a quieter, local one because I just couldn't do it. But ultimately the resentment will build up- kids r 5 & 8 now and we are just getting our relationship back on track again. But it has cost me my career while he could do his.

How old is DD2? Have you tried some kind of sleep training? After age 1 or so (earlier for most) there's no reason kids should be feeding during the night. It can take a while of protests to get them used to a new situation, but she needs to get the message that she can't eat or get unlimited parent attention at any random hour (this is coming from someone who just spent from 5-6am herding a protesting 2-year old back into bed 20 times: "it is night time, night time is for sleeping"). If you can, another option is to literally leave the house for a few nights (say 10pm-6am) so that your boobs are unavailable during the night.

I had this with my now nearly 2 year old - I was back at work when she was 10months. My husband never heard her when she woke 🙈 used to drive me mad! Also she didn’t want him if he went in!
stopping breastfeeding helped but she still didn’t want him!

i went to my sisters hen party for a weekend then 2 weeks later flew home for her wedding for 5 days by myself and my daughter just had to accept my husband ! And since I’ve been back she doesn’t mind who goes in to comfort her.

we have agreed to take a night each if she wakes now (I have to wake him up though annoyingly as he still doesn’t hear her so I end up awake anyway regardless if I’m going in or not 😑

could you get away for a night or 2? Even stay at your parents or a friends and leave partner to it 🙈

There is absolutely a reason for 1 year olds to wake and feed in the night, it is their comfort. Whilst if they have a good, varied diet, they may not necessarily need the calories, it’s a new societal belief that babies over 1 don’t need to breastfeed in the night.
Please advise to leave the house during the night. I always liken how we treat our babies to how we treat our other loved ones to decide if it’s the right thing to do. We wouldn’t disappear in the night without telling our husband’s we are going. Why would you suggest putting a poor toddler through that confusion and distress?! There are kinder ways to night wean.

OP, all that said, sleep is important, especially if you’re back to work. Have you ever looked at Lindsay Hookway? She’s on instagram and writes books. She recommends something called habit stacking as a kinder way to night wean if that’s what you’re ready to do. It involves introducing a new comfort (eg, a teddy, patting their bum) whilst keeping the night feeds to begin with. Then, slowly, you can reduce night feeding and keep the comfort you had introduced. It seems to work really well although isn’t a quick fix.

Should have read ‘please don’t advise to leave the house during the night’.

Your DD at 13 months+ doesn't need additional food during the night;it might be time to let thé well dry up so to speak;sleep training might be the way forward here;you might like to look at a few different methods to chose one you feel will suit you.

I feel for you;I have a teen with ASD and they are and always have been a poor sleeper and there's far to many a night where she still keeps me up.

Thankyou for all the responses.She is nearly 13 months.
I am totally in agreement with the PP who mentioned the emotional needs being a just as important part of breastfeeding, and we have always tried to follow a gentle parenting approach throughout baby and toddler hood as much as we can.
In general, I have found breastfeeding such a magic tool in being able to quickly re-settle both my girls to sleep, but its just so hard when they get really needy with it throughout the night and want to feed again and again.I remember DD1 being the same this sort of age, and finding it really tough, but this time around I have work and two children in the mix, not just one, so I'm finding it even harder to cope with.
I'm not sure if some of it is another peak of separation anxiety.Also at moment she is cutting a front tooth, which could mean she is suckling for pain relief.
We are off to center parcs next week (really hoping she sleeps better there as I've had many a stressful night with DD1 there before!) but once I'm back if she is still waking constantly I think I will need to start getting DH involved more in trying to settle her.
Her feeds are usually fairly short when she wakes, so I think it is more comfort than anything else she is seeking, to enable her to re-settle, so i perhaps need to try and find other ways to meet this need to help her get back to sleep first before feeding her, especially if its not long since she last fed.
I will try drinks and cuddles more first and see if she responds at all to those.I'm happy to not night wean her completely if she isn't up so often, but I just can't continue at the current rate of wakings indefinitely! It's tough as sometimes it feels like either I sacrafice her needs or mine :(

Thanks for all the support...TGIF....if she is up all night tonight at least I can have a lie in tomorrow as DH is off work!

I night weaned at 9 months. On the third night ds slept 7 til 7 without waking. Life changing.. I have a very confident, happy 8 yo.. No emotional deprivation caused...

@Santagiveyoursackawash (what a name BTW...haha!) How did you go about doing it?