To keep taking the pill?

[kedmie]

Me and DP have a DS together and I have a DS from a previous relationship.

For a while he's been saying he wants another DC, I've always said I don't want another and he seemed fine with it. I had an unplanned pregnancy a few months ago which sadly resulted in a miscarriage and I'm back on the pill again.

He's been mentioning another DC a lot recently and has said I should stop the pill but not actually ttc and if it happens, it happens and if it doesn't he'll be fine and thinks I also want a DC as I was going to keep the baby we sadly lost.

WIBU to “agree” but keep taking the pill without him knowing?

I think you need to be honest with him, it's not fair to lie about something this important.

You shouldn't be pressured into a child you don't want, but he deserves to know where he stands

Yes totally unreasonable
if you don’t want another then talk to him and tell him
sorry for your loss

My answer would be. When it is his body that has to go through this he then gets to make the final
choice.

He’s trying to manipulate you into getting pregnant and you’re going to manipulate him by lying to him about taking the pill… sounds blissful. Maybe just call it a day on this ‘relationship’?

Yeah that is just wrong, keep taking the pill and be honest about it. That way he has the opportunity to leave if he wants. Lying about this is such an ugly thing to do.

Yes, stay on the pill. No, don't lie about it. How would you feel if you were the one that wanted a baby and he secretly had a vasectomy? If you don't want more children, if you truly love him, be honest about it. It will be his decision to go or stay. Just don't keep him there with a lie.

But for God's sake DON'T have a baby if you don't want one!!! The 'rule' is that the one who doesn't want something that impacts on them has the final say. So your 'no' outweighs his 'yes'. Just the same way his 'no' would outweigh your 'yes' if the positions were reversed.

And you know good and well that the lion's share of 'babywork' ends up with the mother. Easy for him to say he wants a baby when in his mind he doesn't see his day to day life changing much. I doubt his 'let's have a baby' visions include him getting up multiple times a night, walking the floor with a cranky baby, cleaning up endless mess, not to mention teething, potty training, and all the other things raising a baby through toddlerhood entails. Not to mention that it won't be him going through pregnancy and childbirth.

And does he not realize that 'stopping the pill' actually IS trying to conceive? Doesn't he know that if you aren't using contraception, you are likely to become pregnant? Or is he just trying to schmooze you into doing something you don't want to do by trying to convince you that 'nothing will happen'? Not a very nice tactic to try IMHO.