To be done with it all

[Endles]

I am done.
two year old twins who don’t sleep.
I work full time compressed hours, so one day at week looking after them. I miss out on so much, and work so hard, but we barely scrape by month to month. My husband earns less than me but not so much so that it’s worth him giving up work.
he catches everything the kids bring home, and is constantly sniffing and sneezing. I can’t bear it.
i am massively overweight from the pregnancy, have no nice clothes, no time to exercise.
I feel so hopeless

When did you last get time to yourself op? It does sound very stressful and a recipe for burning out which won't help anyone. Do you have family or friends nearby who can help at all?

i am so sorry you feel this way. I have 3 kids. Dd16 and twins 11.

It will get easier believe me I promise!

right now you are still in the thick of it. You HAVE to make time for yourself. See, I didn’t and ended up having a breakdown trying to juggle a tidy clean house, 3 kids and stressful job.

do not spend your day off doing housework. Meet a friend for coffee, wander round shops or put telly on and chill out.

make sure home life is balanced with dp, if not tell him what is expected and when he needs to have it done going forward.

things will get better, you might not think it now I know that, but from one twin mum to another I promise it will x

Oh you are in the worst bit - your energy is completely depleted after two whole years but you still have very young children - and twins! You must both be exhausted.

Could you take it in turns the next two weekends for each of you to get a twelve hour shift in bed or something and get your batteries just a little charged before making a plan for how to make things better in small ways going forwards?

Are you able to quit work? Change hours?

I had my second child when my eldest was 2. So have had 2 kids at that age. Just not 2 toddlers. A baby is somewhat compliant compared to a toddler. I couldn't have worked full time with two at that age. I worked part time evenings around DH'S hours. Between shift allowance and not having to pay for childcare we were better off doing that. I got to spend the day with the kids. I do also think my kids were more chilled with being at home with one of us most of the time. It was still hard, but way easier than full time.

My youngest is 7 and it's only been in the last year I've been able to make a conscientious effort to lose weight. So don't beat yourself up about that.

My husband is great and does do a lot around the house but the mental load of a lot of things does fall to me.
no friends nearby unfortunately, family do help but only when either of us are busy doing something, not to give us a break at all.

Absolutely no way I can quit work or even reduce hours as we can’t afford it

I think I just need some reassurance that things will get easier at some poi t

It will get easier op. It won't always be this hard.

I promise it will get easier. I remember I had a friend who was absolutely knackered - she looked/felt better when her kids were 12 than when they were 2 despite the extra 10 years!

I honestly think you are in the very toughest bit.

One easy thing you could do is make sure you are eating good nutrients and take things like B12.

Thanks everyone.
i just feel so broken by it. Plus the guilt of both feeling like I am missing out on spending tine with my babies and feeling like I can’t wait for them to be older so at least they would wipe a bit less snot on me. A bit.
there are some days where I wish I had never had children, which mates me feel terrible but I used to feel so in control of my life and feel on top of things

What is the problem with the sleep? Maybe between us we can make some suggestions that might help. If you can get some sleep the rest might be a bit easier.
It is really important to take vitamin D supplements all the way through the darker months. Also consider whether you might need iron too. Iron is absorbed better if you take it with vitamin c and not within 2 hours of tea or coffee.

It sounds like your husband could do with extra vitamins too.

Have you tried the universal credit calculator?

if one of you drops your hours you might get help through benefits

I think the sleep problem is the constant nursery bugs. In the brief gaps when they’re well they sleep through or maybe wake once.

He is much better at taking vitamins than I am but I do try to remember vit d at least

I’m sorry for the moan, I have just been feeling so down. Just having people be so kind to reply is helping

You have no need to apologise! You are coping with 2 very demanding full time jobs. It will get better. It is extraordinary how a healthy child is ill so much of the time. I remember those days of nose drops, vicks vapouriser, humidifiers, dehumidifiers, calpol. If it wasn't coughs and colds it was the tummy bugs. They do build up good immune systems eventually though.

I've recently joined the site and your post caught my eye. I'm well through the early twin years as ours are now grown up, but remember the exhaustion and juggling that came with it (along with continual illness caught from nursery). We even found ourselves envying friends with singletons!

However I promise you that it does get easier as they always have each other and any subsequent siblings to keep them busy and amused. You have so many happy and memorable times ahead of you!
I had another (single) when they were just turned 3 and he was so easy compared to twin babies.

I agree OP this is the absolute low point (well after the newborn bit) I was on my knees with a non sleeping 4 yr old and non sleeping 2 yr old, also working long hours 4 days a week, so can imagine doing it with twins is even tougher!

Next summer they’ll be able to do so much more, talk so much more, maybe even potty trained and you’ll be through the worst of the bugs.

Just keep getting through the days, don’t set any big standards just keep putting one foot in front of the other. And one day you’ll look up and think OMG they just played by themselves for an hour! They didn’t wake up at all the last 3 nights! And it will feel amazing.

@Endles it does get easier and twins are 7 are just lovely and great company. Don't get broody and have another child though!!