To be on the edge

[Wittyend]

My kids are driving me nuts. I have a 7 year old a 3 year old and an 18th month old.

Don’t get me wrong I love them to bits and I know parenting can be hard but honestly starting to feel like I can’t cope with this life.

Its just chaos every single day, the 7 year old constantly winding up the 3 year old who screams the house down, then the 3 year old doing things back on the sly to the 7 year old - que another kick off. The 7 year old is so ungrateful and nothing is ever good enough for her. The 3 year old will go into a 20 minute crying/whining mode over the slightest thing or if she doesn’t get her own way. My 18 month old is also super fussy at the moment (usually the happiest one hope this is just a leap or something) we can’t even sit down and eat a meal together without someone whining or winding each other up.

I’m not exaggerating when I say 90% of the day that they aren’t in school or nursery they are either fighting, crying, making that droning sound or demanding something every two seconds.

It feels like they are never happy, even on days out I end up regretting ever leaving the house because nothing is ever good enough, we may get 30 minutes of them being happy but then it’s back to the usual.

Is this my fault? Is this normal? Is this down to my parenting I don’t know what to do but it’s absolutely draining the life out of me.

I’m so happy when my kids are happy I love nothing more than to see them play and laugh but at the minute it’s really getting me down and getting so much harder each day to get up and face this same old routine.

Absolutely no advice but standing with you in solid support. Mine are 19, 12 and 7 and still wind each other up constantly. The 19 yo recently moved to uni and I thought it would improve…they’ve just ramped it up between them. Love them to bits and when it’s ok it’s great but 90% of the time feels like working for UN Peace Quarters would be an easy option..

@KnackeredHag love the username it describes me too a tee at the minute 🤣 and the comment about the UN peace quarters is so relatable.

Scary to hear yours have ramped up as they’ve gotten older, god help me 😫🤣

The bickering is horrendous. And they feed off you so by trying to solve it, you enflame it. And if you do nothing, you enable the stronger ones.

Dunno the answer.

I've only got two of them- ages 5 and 2 - and I feel absolutely the same. I have no idea how you cope with a third. I feel on the edge most days!

I know exactly how you feel, the fighting /bickering is our main issue too. Its also pretty much constant, whenever they are in the same room anyway. Even when they are getting on I am still on edge waiting for it to enivitably turn sour! And as a result I am just this shouty mum I never wanted to be 😔

@Stickmansmum it really is relentless isn’t it.

@YukoandHiro helps a bit to know it’s not just in my house but really feel for you too it’s so hard to deal with 😫

Do you manage to get any time for yourself? It really is vital to get a break.

@Stressedmum2017 it’s hard to stay calm though isn’t it after dealing with it all day and asking nicely 100 times. I always start the day off hoping to be more patient but it goes to shit after about an hour with them 😳

@Americano75 yeah I get out every now and then to be fair and their dad is really hands on I don’t know what I’d do without that support.

When he finishes work I’ll often go run a bath and spend an hour trying to de stress but I can still hear them downstairs screaming and shouting so it’s not as relaxing as it could be 🤣

Can you step back and work out how much of it is performance annoyance to win your attention?

Can you referee less and ignore more? Will take nerves of steel!

Have you read "how to talk so kids will listen, listen so kids will talk"?

Oh, I hear that and I'm glad your OH is being supportive. Little kids are hard, hard work. Mind you, so are bigger kids but for different reasons! At this stage it's good to remember the expression 'long days but short years'!

@RandomMess I will certainly try, willing to do whatever I can at this point if it will help.

I have that book downloaded but haven’t started reading it yet , by the time I’ve got through the day I’ve wanted nothing more to do with kids haha but I will make a start with that tonight.

How will I be able to tell if they’re doing it for my attention rather than just the joy of making their sibling mad? 🤣

@Americano75 I know, and I’m already worrying about in years to come when they’re not so little anymore that I won’t have made the most of it and enjoyed this time with them, is that really sad? haha so hard each day though some days I feel like I’m just on survival mode until bedtime

Sweetheart, I know. Pretty much every mum feels like that. And in years to come you'll look back and only remember the good bits, I promise.

Are they fighting over toys? I have a 5 and nearly 2 year old. Inevitably the 5 year old wants what the 5 year old has. They both have to ask the other for something (the two year old learnt to say please and thank you in signing at nursery so he uses that to ask); then they each have to allow the other a turn (I will take off the two year old to allow 5 year old a turn). If they can't follow asking nicely I take the toy away.
I've also found rotating toys really helpful. Their rooms are a mess but the sitting room has a toy area and we rotate what's available. I read a post on here recently about storing toys in crates under beds if no room and rotating the crates around.
When 5 year old likes watching tv I'll get 2 year old to come and help with the cooking. I get the chopping board on the floor and he loads potatoes/veg into a pan. Keeping them apart sometimes helps.
They both have to stay at the table until mealtime is finished and have jobs to do when we're done. I try not to allow whining to get what they want. So a combination of ignore or say I can't understand that voice.

Lots of praise for the good stuff, especially between them. And saying to the eldest how proud I am for his kind behaviour to his younger brother etc.

Some of these things work for us. Hope you get to enjoy a bath or wine tonight and things improve.

But I certainly don't know the dynamics of three! Sounds like a tough time for you and hoping it's just a phase. Sending hugs

Can I ask what consequences you have in place?

I was spoiled, I have 4 DC, 3 VERY close in age.

I spent a lot of time ignoring arguing as I was too busy doing the practical stuff - I don't think it occurred to them to compete for my attention!!

I think subconsciously yours probably do it a lot of attention. If they put that much effort into playing together and having fun rather than arguing...

No advice but a ton of empathy...my two are 7 and 5 and seem to constantly be winding each other up. It's beyond exhausting...