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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He never EVER listens! AIBU to be upset?

4 replies

PenelopePeriwinkleAbroad · 17/11/2022 18:10

NC for this. Had a spat with DH last night and still reeling, so need a reality check.

I had a stiff shoulder yesterday so I asked DH to give me a massage. I told him exactly where it hurts and what I need yet 30 seconds in he switched to a completely different place. I asked him again and showed him where it hurts, explained what I need. Yet after another 30 seconds he switched again to a different place (and this is not 'slip of fingers' different place - think moving from shoulder to forehead). So I got upset.

He said it usually helps him when he has a stiff shoulder to massage that spot. This actually fuelled my upset as he ALWAYS does this - when I ask for a massage because something hurts, when we have sex... I told him that he's being patronising thinking he knows what feels good for ME better than I do, ignoring repeatedly what I ask for. He said I'm overreacting. So am I? I appreciate this is not a dealbreaker but I do feel that since its not a single isolated event and it actually extends into other spheres of our life together (like sex) - it was sort of a last drop.

OP posts:
Bake · 17/11/2022 18:15

Sounds like you'd benefit from some couples counselling to help with communication

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/11/2022 18:18

Twice you mention issues with the sex, what’s going on? Someone repeatedly ignoring what you’re saying during sex can be very serious.

PenelopePeriwinkleAbroad · 17/11/2022 18:20

@AnneLovesGilbert oh no nothing like that - DH is super-gentle and caring! It is just that I would tell him that some kind of touch feels good or 'keep going, just like that' and he'd change it within 30-40 seconds into something completely different because he 'thought I'd enjoy it more'. I lost quite a few orgasms over that which while not the end of the world is still quite frustrating.

OP posts:
chevvyroo · 17/11/2022 18:41

I know exactly what you mean. I ended it with someone over this. You explained clearly, once, twice ........

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