Reorganised so I can't go

[allthingspinkandpretty]

So my family have been organising a get together for a special birthday. The date has now been changed a few weeks down the line because of the World Cup and because of the 'traffic on the motorway'. This new date is on a day I always work because of childcare and we can't go! I feel super sad about it and have shed a tear.

Sometimes I feel as though my family organise things on purpose so I can't go or they just don't invite us. I'm the only one with children aged 2 and 10 months. Starting to get me down not to be included. I know people say this happens with friends when you have kids but family?

Take a days annual leave?

Annual leave? Call in sick

Bloody football

Hmm - Are you the first in your family to have children. It's hard being the first.

If its an important event for you, then just book annual leave. If its not important enough for you to book a single days leave for, then it's no biggie is it?

In reality, you can't expect everything to revolve around your life choices. Sometimes you have to make the effort to be flexible, or better yet, make the effort to organise things yourself if you want particular activities at particular times that suit you.

It's in December and I wouldn't be able to take annual leave. I couldn't call in sick because I'm not sick....

I'm the first to have children on my side yes and not many child friendly things are organised. Cousins and siblings in 20s/30s lots of social family things seem to revolve round alcohol or when kids in bed. My other half's family live 100 miles away more children in family and everything so different.

If I was able to book annual leave I would but it's not that simple with my place of work.

I don't expect things to revolve around me...but just think it's silly to rearrange something causing one individual family not to be able to come because there is a football match on - when the date was planned for a few weeks.

If you want child-friendly things to be organised, then put the effort in and organise them yourselves.

If you really can't take the day off work in December, arrange to join them all after work. Your DH can deal with childcare if necessary.

You and your needs are not going to be the centre of the plans that everyone else makes. They will make plans to suit the majority, who are in a different life stage to you. If you want things tailored to your needs above the majority, then it falls to you to put in the effort to make that happen.

what did they say when you said you couldn’t make the new date?

I work 13 hour night shifts. So I can't just attend after the event. Maybe I do put effort in but when I invite people round they decline? My children's grandparents don't come to visit unless I make the effort to see them, they don't want to go out with us to park etc. The most I get is FaceTime and they live 6 miles away... only so many times you can ask,

I've been told they that they know it's not ideal for me. Been told that we could do something another time. Just upset me that it's changed.

Do something separately I may add

Have you told them all how upset you are that the date’s been changed to a day you can’t go? Or are you pretending to be fine with it?

I have said that privately to my mum and to my sister that I am upset that the date has changed because of football. But had no response

Can you propose another date and time? Or give a list and say we can do xyz dates. When we're trying to arrange something we use a doddle poll and then go with what suits the majority if we can't get everyone.

If its your family can you go and leave dp minding the children? Could you finish work early and get there afterwards?

I work at night which is the main issue