Okay, what do I do now? (Kicked him out, married, child)

[newbookonshelf]

Hi, so I'm the wife of the sudden Islamic convert. Truth be told there's been controlling behaviour throughout our relationship hence the conversion was even more compounded and serious.

So last night I ejected him, his things, told him not to come back.

I'm thinking to make a report to our local domestic abuse service only because I want things on record, I am genuinely concerned about his mental state, and about the fact that he has quite obviously controlled me from the get-go, ( no space or need to go into detail here but people close to me have been concerned for a good while ) -obviously I feel absolutely stupid and terrible for inflicting this situation on my daughter, who is 6.

The reason I want to call the DV service is because I don't feel this is a police matter but I also don't feel it's no matter at all.

We are married, just over 1 year, daughter is attached to him and knows him as dad, but knows not biological.

I am a bit at a loss of any steps I may need to take and any wisdom is greatly appreciated. Will social services become involved? I know they are not the enemy but I am unsure if they will. Thanks.

Move this thread to the relationships board. You will get good advice there.
AIBU is really not the best place for this.
Sorry you are in this situation.
Apart from the above, you should speak to Women's Aid with a view to getting legal advice.

I’m told Women’s aid can help. That’s a phone call and you will be on surer footing after that.

Next the paperwork. Bank statements of any and all accounts, pensions and loans that you can find. Open a new bank account of your own if he has access to your financial state. Do you have a joint account? Do you need to transfer out 50%?

Your Online footprint. Change any and all passwords. Open a new email account if necessary. Do you have any reason to think he has had access to your devices to put a keystroke tracker on? Check your router to be sure you recognise any and all devices running on it.

Your bills. What is in your name, his name and joint.

Best of luck.

Thanks, it's all in my name and my social home and my own account with my own money and I work, despite him repeatedly asking me not to. Thanks.

Are you really sure it's not a police matter?
This is on one of the police websites, it's about coercive control. There's a checklist on page 6 which might be useful to read:

www.staffordshire.police.uk/SysSiteAssets/media/downloads/staffordshire/coercive-behaviour-brochure.pdf

At least it's a very short marriage so you're likely to walk away with what you put in. And well done seeing through to the truth of the situation!

I agree that you should at the very least log a DV issues because you do need a record of what's happening. If his mental state is fragile, he may kick off so be prepared to call the police if he does.

daughter is attached to him and knows him as dad, but knows not biological.

Just on this bit alone, please never let this man near your child again.