Aibu to expect that my dm might ask me how I am?

[Zrt]

I am trying to see if it's possible to reconnect with an estranged parent after a long time apart, as both our lives have moved on since. They are open to hearing from me but I get 'What do you want to say?' rather than, 'Omg you've gone through so much, how are you/how are you coping?' (they know what I've been through). Am I expecting too much? If my child had been out of my life & then come back to me, the first thing I'd be saying is 'how are you/I've missed you/I love you'. At the same time, I understand their caution, they've been cut off once and it hurt. This is a parent who walked out when we were children, without even saying they were going. Leading to disasterous consequences for us dc. We ended up in care.

I think you need to be careful of hoping they've changed. I'm really sorry your parent walked out on you.

Why do you want to get back in touch?

IME they don't get better.

I still have a grain of hope that they've changed & learnt.

Well, that is extremely unlikely.

You are in contact - just leave it low level.

You are not going to find what you are looking for there

Those who cut you, can’t heal you. Accept your mum for all her faults. She’s sounds like a crap parent. They say a parent’s ceiling is your floor (self awareness wise). I would be cautious around her. Parents have a way of stabbing you right in the heart. Wear metaphorical armour.

People can't be who you want them to be. You will be much happier if you accept who she is.

Never look to someone for support if they have a history of letting you down.

Base your expectations on their behaviour, not on 'how decent people behave/how you'd love them to be/how they should be'.

It's disappointing, but their behaviour is beyond your control. Yours is not.

Save yourself the heartache. Accept they are not interested . Some people are not capable of forming parental bonds. You will always be looking for something that isnt there and they will never take responsibility for fucking up your childhood.

If that was the case you wouldn't be the one making all the effort.

I'd be giving her a piece of my mind, telling her PRECISELY what I "want her to say" and then cutting her off for good