Beds and associated dramas

[Funandgamestill]

For the last year, I have slept on a rather uncomfortable sofa bed in the small sitting room of our cute but compact cottage . Upstairs there are two very good sized double bedrooms . 1 is home to a nice king sized bed and my lovely son . The other is the master bed which is a lovely room with a super king bed but unfortunately I can’t use that room because DH sleeps in there and I cannot share a room with it. He’s too noisy and stinky and too fat for nookie so I simply camp on the sofa bed now. I have slipped discs in my back , a hip problem, a neck issue and suffer from some quirks of the hormones so I’m always bloody tired and in pain . I want convert the loft and go up there, it’s big enough for me to have a bed, roomy enough to bring my office/ studio in from the shed and generally give me a decent quality of life back. DH is not willing to help stump up the cash though and moving is not an option .so do I just borrow this money for my sanity?

Perhaps consider separating from your "D"H seeing as you despise him so much?

I don’t despise him. He’s a nice easy chap to get along with and we rarely argue but he refuses to tackle the issues that make him impossible to share a bedroom with and I’m beginning to resent being so uncomfortable while those two merrily snore away in big comfy beds every night . I’m tired and in pain. And I have a hell of a job getting the little chap out the door every morning due to SEN / behaviours and I’m really suffering .i was sleeping with DS for four years but he’s outgrown that arrangement and I’ve ended up with the short straw .

Well, your options seem to be:

• Split with DH
• DH sleeps downstairs on the sofa
• Pay for the loft – why is it a “DH won’t pay” thing, are there no shared funds?
• Move
• DH and DC share and you take the other room

If he won’t agree to any of these, or is hoarding the cash that should be family money, you take up trumpet playing and play the trumpet in his ear each and every night from bedtime to dawn until he understands your level of sleep deprivation and agrees you get a bedroom.

Personally I’d choose option 1, given he’s noisy and stinky and you don’t have sex and he’s willing to let you sleep on a sofa every night.

WTF is "nookie"???

You know what it means.

You’d be better off channeling your cash and energy at a divorce, if that’s what you think about your husband.

and “nice, easy to get along with” aren’t not glowing reviews of your romantic life partner.

Why are you in this marriage? Surely you're both better off apart, in your own comfortable beds being at peace with your day to day lives.
I feel sorry for you and for your DH, what a shit existence for you both!

It seems like you should have got a divorce four years ago or converted the loft then - take some constructive steps here op to sort it out

All of you should take turns in the sofa.

If the master bedroom has room for a super king surely two singles and earplugs would be the solution? Or a double and single? It doesn’t sound a tricky problem really if as you say you still like your husband.

Is he happy you’re uncomfortable and in pain and exhausted? What’s the money issue?

You do need another room. But don't take on personal debt/use any funds other than shared for it. If your H opposes the expense, make him take the sofa or take turns. Or simply spend some money putting a proper bed into the sitting room and take it over. If he wants to watch TV or whatever it's used for he'll just have to do it in the kitchen or wherever.

I agree with PP just take over the sitting room with a decent bed.

Do you mind me asking how old you are? You've got a lot of health issues.

I’m 40. Had a hard paper round as they say though . Serious accident some years ago which has left me with various sore bits and bobs and also I’m slightly overweight now , not big , but I was built to be tiny if that makes sense - very small naturally so this weight doesn’t carry well on me and makes my back worse. I could do with prioritising my health for a bit , finding some time for me , but life’s all a bit firefighting atm. Very worn down and knackered. I like the idea of just putting a nice quality single bed in the sitting room and dressing it up to resemble a settee in the day. I’ll still convert the attic eventually as I can’t see this place working with a teenager mooching about without more space . But realistically finances aren’t there right now. DH is off sick at the minute with a very dramatic cold which isn’t helping !

Can you move your DH into the shed and take over the bedroom as your personal bedroom and office?

He’s a nice easy chap to get along with and we rarely argue but he refuses to tackle the issues that make him impossible to share a bedroom with
Very contradictory. A “nice chap”
wouldn’t allow his wife to be in pain from sleeping on a shitty sofabed. Especially when you’re sleeping in said sofabed because he’s too smelly.

Raise your standards pet.

Precisely! He’s only “nice” as far as if you go along with his preferences, right? When you tell him you need a bed to sleep on, and a room to sleep in, he refuses to help make that happen: that’s not nice, or kind.