To tell my DH to go away?

[DilemmaDelilah]

For context. My DH is retired and I work from home in a frequently very demanding and stressful job. He is REALLY great at looking after the house, doing most of the cooking during the week and he brings me regular cups of coffee. However.... he never seems to realise that I am WORKING! Usually it's not a problem - he can hear when I'm in a meeting and doesn't come in then, but if I'm not in a meeting he quite often wants to discuss things or to have a chat. This morning I was swamped with work and extremely stressed with numerous things needing to be completed before a meeting at 1pm. This week has been really busy as a whole as I was on leave last week. He came in to bring me coffee as I was in the middle of a complicated piece of work... I said thank you nicely... and then he just stood there, obviously wanting to talk about something. I'm afraid I just said to him 'I love you dearly but please go away'. He was considerably miffed and went out slamming the door. For further information we have lunch together every day and I had scheduled half an hour for this so we could have talked then. Was I unreasonable?

This would drive me insane. So hard to get your train of thought back when being interrupted. He sounds a bit bored. I have a low tolerance of bored people in general 🤷‍♀️

Get a lock for the door?

I think you could have phrased it better but you're well within your rights to say "I'm really sorry but I don't have time to chat, I've got a deadline at 1pm and I'm rushing to make it. Can we talk when I come in for lunch?"

DH and I both WFH and routinely say something like this to each other without causing offence.

Saying "go away" - even if said in a jokey way - is a bit rude but I get why you said it.

He needs golf or cycling, doesn’t he?

I'm not quite as snowed under this morning but still very busy and need to concentrate. My DH has just come in to let me know he is leaving to take the cat to the vet. I asked him why he was telling me as I didn't need to know- he said in a very sad voice it was so that I wouldn't be worried because today is the day he takes his weekly meds and he hadn't taken them yet. I said that if I was working in the office I would have no idea what he was doing and he said that he would have sent me a text. We need to sort out what is important enough to disturb me about and how that should be done I think.

Surely unless it's a life or death situation it can wait until the end of the working day?

Sorry but I have very little patients for grown adults who need constant approval and help from others. He's not a toddler.

You should be able to get your message across without being so rude. I doubt you'd speak to your colleagues so rudely

Gosh I couldn't handle this at all.

In the kindest way, your DH needs to get some hobbies, or friends he can socialise with. It's not healthy being so codependent on someone that it's starting to disrupt your work. How about a sign on the door to say 'busy - in meeting' you can hang up when you need to concentrate.

I also don't understand why when men come barging in with a drink and chat, we're expected to be oh so grateful and pander to them, yet if a woman was doing that to a working man, it would be seen as needy and irritating.

What sort of photography does he like? It’s a brilliant hobby for those days when he isn’t up to leaving the house. Setting up small still life projects.
Maybe a suggestion to keep him a bit busier?

You could have been nicer, but you were stressed, so it's completely understood. Your husband is clingy like a cat 😅

He is a big sulky baby.
The neediness would drive me insane!

I bet her colleagues don't constantly interrupt her to tell her absolutely pointless things either.

He's an adult - he should be able to take the cat to the vet without OP's knowledge or approval.