Husband's female friend

[joannapiano82]

My husband has a work event/party coming up and originally said he wasn't going because he'd have to buy a new suit and didn't want to spend so much money before Christmas. I said last night that I'd seen some on sale and he decided to order one and go. I asked him if work had paid for a hotel (they usually do) and we live 60 miles away from the event. He said no he was staying at a friends. A woman he works with who lives close to the event, I looked surprised and he said they are friends and she has a boyfriend and sort of shut the conversation. This is the first time I've heard this woman's name, we got married last year (been together 10 years) and he invited close work friends so you'd think if they were that close she would have come up in conversation. If I bring this up I'm pretty sure it will escalate into an argument and the issue will be seen as mine. AIBU to think this is inappropriate or would others feel uncomfortable with this?

If he’s going to cheat I think it’s more likely he’d go to her house, less likely to be seen going into or coming out of each other’s rooms?

But if he were staying at a hotel, as he usually does, he wouldn’t have had to tell the OP he was staying at his colleague’s house — hence no suspicion created. The fact that he wasn’t planning to attend the work party and has been upfront about staying with his colleague really doesn’t suggesting major-league scheming.

Maybe she’s a newish friend, hence you not meeting her before, OP, or her being at your wedding?

I certainly made a close work friend at my last job when I ended up on a committee with a colleague I only knew by sight from another department, and we found we got on famously, and had a lot in common. But we both commuted fairly long distances from opposite directions, so it remained a work friendship focused on lunch or an occasional after-work meal or drink, and in the years we worked together I only met his wife twice and his children once, and he can’t have met DH more than two or three times. But if there had been a work event close to his house, it would have felt entirely natural to stay over, even though circumstances meant DH would barely have known his name for quite a while.

I quit that job and moved countries three years ago, and although we’ve not seen one another since, we still talk regularly.

So, I’d be uncomfortable with it but not because the friend is female but because of the risk of drink driving. If the company usually pays for a hotel room where or near the work event plus a taxi then I’d prefer my DH do that.
From what I understand companies don’t usually pay for transport to a friends home.

Let’s face it though, if he were going to cheat, a hotel room is just as easy to get away with it than going to another woman’s home. So the friend being a woman is a bit of a red herring imho.

You should tell your husband about your concerns before things get worse.

ZOMBIE

Going to her home …as in leaving the party together, driving together or following her…is more obvious than a 2am booty call where you sneak through the empty hallways of a massive hotel and slip into another room. Any phone tracker would flag up a “friends” address but cannot flag up you leaving your room in a hotel.

I see this is an old post and it looks like the OP didn't come back.

However, my thoughts are ... if the OP wasn't happy with it then the DH shouldn't do it. Simple as!

YANBU for being uncomfortable about it, he is not being unreasonable either. The fact that he's told you where he's staying and who with makes it unlikely he's up to no good.

I think you are just going to have to trust him OP.

I've only.just noriced this is an old thread! If the OP sees it maybe she can give an update? 😀