To ask him if he wants to try couples counselling

[PrincesPoof]

Long story short.

We love each other but something is not right.

Communication is not great, I talk too much and he talks too little.

I love him and I know he loves me. I’m not sure if I’m in love with him and I know he is not in love with me, but we are into a long term relationship (nearly 10yrs) so not sure how much we should be feeling soo in love anymore.

We had a difficult conversation and decided that it might be better to go on our own ways. However we didn’t… things are still the same and when I bring up the subject it ends in emotional tears (not fighting or anything like that) and we are left with a we don’t know what to do or where to go.

I’m stuck. I’m not sure what to do. AIBU to think that perhaps counselling will help us clear up things?

I don't think YABU to consider counselling, however 10 years in I do think you should still be "in love" with each other - it's something that imo shouldn't leave a relationship. You might not always like each other, but you should always be in love with each other. If you just love each other but aren't in love, that's just friendship to me?

Why didn't you go your own ways after making that decision?

If you talk too much and he talks too little, could there be some anxious/avoidant dance going on?

Counselling is a good idea. It could help you come to a decision together - it’s not always about resulting in staying together, but finding peace with whatever outcome is right for you both.

I see what you mean…

I think we are scared of what will happen if we go our own ways. We share quite a bit with each other, we rely on each other, there for each other. He is just such a significant person in my life and I think I’m in his too.

I’ve also been ill and he has a lot going on in other areas of life. But it’s more the worry of what will we do without each other

Ah right. Could be a little bit of co-dependency going on then? You’re both maybe saving each other from feeling the fear of being alive? Or saving each other from feeling the grief of breaking up?

I don’t know! I really don’t know what’s going on.
We rely on each other, we share thoughts on everything apart from our relationship. We have things we do together that are our things. We do depend on each other but I thought that’s what you do in a relationship.

I don’t understand what is going on at all…