Any advice for a social work student?

[heyto]

I'm undergoing my masters in social work. I have been working in youth groups for the past 2 years however, recently I've been struggling with keeping a thick skin. I'm worried how this will affect me as a social worker. AIBU to ask for some tips to not take personal insults personally and also how to deal with conflict?

I’m a sw
I had a thick skin when I started but it’s getting thinner lol.
I remind myself that people aren’t angry with me they are upset with the situation. That being said there are so many lovely daily moments in social work it’s not all doom and gloom. If your kind and sensitive to people they tend to respond well back
I don’t think you need a thick skin though, in fact it’s better to show you are human
I wouldn’t do anything else. I get very tired but there’s never a day when I do t find something good about the job

Read up on trauma informed practice if you haven’t already.

This. But also see every day as a school day. It's not about you, it's about learning, growing, skills and assisting.

The most challenging people teach you the most. I have one particular person I had a lovely conversation with today. A month ago she was screaming abuse at me and with a different person she'd have been in hospital or prison.

It's so amazing when people acknowledge it even if that person is you.

My daughter is doing her MA for SW and is in her second year …she is really enjoying the course ,hard work and she has managed to not dwell on the cases she has come across.
Biggest quality is empathy and a caring nature . Good luck 💐

Go in with an open mind. Don't just read a piece of paper and make your mind up their and then. Not all cases are bad. Go in with empathy.

Yup this^^ I work with young people who are in care and you absolutely need a thick skin. Trauma and attachment are two massive factors that reach from birth into adulthood so if you can really understand how trauma and disordered attachment affects someone and how they build relationships then it will make sense why they might treat you or speak to you in a way that could be hurtful. I also think you need to recognise how massively flawed the system is, and that any young person seeing a social worker coming is not having a good day because in an ideal world their family would be together, be happy and have no need to ever meet you. You are also going in carrying the disappointment and hurt that other social workers before you have left them with. That includes the ones who were harsh with their words/ didn't really care/ built a great relationship and then left for maternity etc why should they trust and respect you or think you'd be any different? It is your job to prove otherwise and stick with them through the tough stuff they throw at you in order to do that. (That's actually my favourite part of the job when you actually manage that and you get to know the real them, its a privilege not a right) you also need to consider other factors, they personally might like you a lot but their family might feel the opposite and they in turn feel the need to be loyal to their family which is perfectly natural. I think the main thing is also recognising that mistrust of people and pushing people away is a survival instinct that's served them well in the past (because they survived before they met you) so don't expect them to feel able to just drop the coping and surviving mechanisms that helped get them through some really tough stuff. The final big thing I would say is to really listen, ask for their feedback and input and value it, if they aren't happy with something try to work out what that is so you can change or adapt to meet that need better/ change your approach to suit their personality. That might be them calling you names- you need to take that as a puzzle to work out why are they calling you names? Are they unhappy with something you said- do you need to apologise and address that with them, are they scared about something and don't know how to ask for your help without you offering it first, or have they started to get attached to you and are now panicking you're going to leave them so they're pushing back again. Speak with your staff team, use their experience, use your supervision to really look at yourself and why it bothers you when actually it's not about you 90% of the time. And be yourself, young people in care know if they're being lied to or if they're not getting the genuine you.

In terms of conflict, it really depends on the context. Managing challenging behaviours training is really good and as much awareness around substance misuse and alcohol as possible. But usually the best approach is working out the first bit well enough so you can avoid the conflict altogether. And recognise that sometimes it's ok to apologise if you get it wrong, and it's ok to back down too and say you'll come back to something later. If a young person is really angry and unregulated there's lots of strategies you can use to calm them down and I find the one I use most is saying to them, I hear you, I'm listening and I want to help however I can, tell me what you need from me. If they aren't sure then I say right well let's sit down and try to figure it out together. Do you feel ready to talk it through together, it's ok if you aren't. And let them lead. But it does depend on the young person, if they're under the influence, who else is around etc.

I look at it from two different approaches.

1. What is the function of the insult/abusive behaviour? Are they feeling threatened (maybe we've hit a topic that's difficult for them)? Are they testing to see if I will leave them? Are they tired and calling you a name because it is the quickest way to get you to leave them alone? Are you subconsciously an alternative safer target to the real person they want to insult? When you understand the function, you can start to think about other ways to meet that need or help them to develop more helpful ways to communicate.

2. Why am I hurt by what they have said? Did calling me fat hit a nerve because I know I've been putting off eating healthier? Does 'useless' hurt because I'm not confident in my role or a parent called me that growing up? Are you particularly sensitive at the moment because you're tired/have lots going on outside work/are understaffed. If you can reflect on why you are reacting so strongly, you can start to address the issues.

I'd really recommend doing some reflective writing, ideally using Kolb's/Gibb's reflective cycles or similar. If you have the money for counselling (there are some low cost options with trainees) I'd highly recommend it to help you understand yourself and your own reactions better. Social work is relational so it's important to understand what 'stuff' you bring to your professional relationships so you can manage it. You don't have to be depressed/anxious to benefit from therapy.

Remember what youre doing it for and what matters most