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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go to the wedding

26 replies

Wrongun1999 · 15/11/2022 19:00

Ok - so my DDs uncle (DHs brother). meant to be looking after my 18 month old on sat - have a family wedding to go to (my side not theirs). It’s been arranged for months. Today he got really huffy that he was meant to go to a wedding sat (first time I’ve heard of it) and now can’t go - it’s a friend apparently - and neither he nor his GF will be able to go. He asked why DDs gran can’t do it (she’s elderly and infirm), why can’t we get a babysitter (might be too late and no opp to acclimatise). My DH thinks we just make him honour his babysitting obligation anyway but added to the fact that I’m totally pissed off at his attitude I now feel totally uncomfortable leaving my DD after the outburst. So AIBU to drop out of the wedding?
YABU - go anyway and make him babysit
YANBU - stay with your DD

OP posts:
WeeOrcadian · 15/11/2022 19:12

Why isn't your DH dealing with his, he's his brother?

Original poster
Wrongun1999 · 15/11/2022 19:13

Well he is insofar as his attitude is tough shit bro you’ve got to do it

OP posts:
Original poster
Wrongun1999 · 15/11/2022 19:13

But I feel really uncomfortable

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 15/11/2022 19:13

You go to the Wedding alone as its your side.
Leave your DH at home with his DD.

Willowswood · 15/11/2022 19:13

I wouldn't be happy leaving my child with someone with that attitude. I'd be pulling out and staying home.

LIZS · 15/11/2022 19:21

Go on your own? Presumably it is a childfree wedding.

WeWereInParis · 15/11/2022 19:23

You can't "make" anyone babysit though. If he says no, you can't do anything about it.

He's being a dick to back out now though.

60smusic · 15/11/2022 19:28

Why did he originally agree to babysit if he had a wedding to attend also?

IntrovertedPenguin · 15/11/2022 19:28

You can't force him. Your DH should stay home with dc.

ColeXander · 15/11/2022 19:29

Yes it’s a crappy thing to land on you but I wouldn’t leave my children with anyone who doesn’t want to watch them and is being made to. Definitely not!

If it’s your sides wedding and your brother in law has one also surely the person staying home with your little one should be daddy?

OrigamiOwls · 15/11/2022 19:31

While he's clearly been a dick by backing out now, I don't see how you can actually force him to do it.

FlissyPaps · 15/11/2022 19:32

Is the wedding child free? - If so, I would make DH stay home and babysit since it’s your side of the families wedding.

If not a child free wedding take your DD.

Has BIL ever had any similar outbursts before?

maddiemookins16mum · 15/11/2022 19:41

ZekeZeke · 15/11/2022 19:13

You go to the Wedding alone as its your side.
Leave your DH at home with his DD.

This.

OoooohMatron · 15/11/2022 19:43

I'd also go on my own. Have a night off and catch up with family.

girlmom21 · 15/11/2022 19:44

Go alone or take her with you

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/11/2022 19:46

ZekeZeke · 15/11/2022 19:13

You go to the Wedding alone as its your side.
Leave your DH at home with his DD.

This is what I would do. I wouldn't leave an 18-months old with DH's brother, he doesn't sound that capable, to be honest. Immature.

DD can care for his daughter, you go alone.

Cosycover · 15/11/2022 19:48

Well its your child so surely means you miss the wedding? He shouldn't be missing a wedding to babysit really.

Original poster
Wrongun1999 · 15/11/2022 19:53

thanks. @Cosycover - he agreed to babysit some time ago and today is the first time we have heard of the “other wedding”…

anyway - thanks for the replies

OP posts:
U1sce · 15/11/2022 19:54

Id also go alone tbh. Bil sounds like a prat

veganbacon · 15/11/2022 19:56

If he says no then there's nothing you can do about it. If you'd rather stay at home than trust him with your baby then so be it. It's your side of the family's wedding so your call.

Veryverycalmnow · 15/11/2022 19:59

I wouldn't want to leave DC with a huffy uncle. I agree with others that DH could stay home and you go out and enjoy yourself. You can't force someone to babysit, no matter how long ago it was arranged. I wouldn't rely on him again!

StClare101 · 15/11/2022 20:21

DH stays home. You go. Have fun!

KarmaStar · 15/11/2022 20:38

if the B & G have paid for your places it would be rude to pull out now,equally I would not want to leave my dc with an unwilling person.
Your dh doesn't appear to appreciate how you feel about this so it's going to be up to you to decide what's best,unfair but put your dd first and if you can't go,explain and apologise profusely to the happy couple.maybe they might allow your dc to go in the circumstances.
hope it gets sorted.🌈

Oysterbabe · 15/11/2022 20:41

Agree that DH stays home and you go to the wedding.

ToWhitToWhoo · 15/11/2022 21:52

As pp have said, the best solution seems to be for you to go to the wedding, and for your dh to stay at home with your daughter.

If not possible, the best might be for you to cancel going, unfortunately. Your BIL should honour his commitments, but in practice this might be at your daughter's expense if he is bad-tempered or unreliable with her.