Crikey, this turned out to be a long one!
Context: At 32 I had an emergency hysterectomy after a truly horrific 3 months of intensive care and multiple surgeries following the disastrous birth of my only child. Baby was fine.
It screwed up my body, and my mental health. I quickly hit cliff-edge menopause which went undiagnosed for over a year. The surgery left my ovaries but they soon failed. I was so physically and mentally at sea that it took me this long to figure out the symptoms I was experiencing were in fact severe, sudden menopause).
I tried several antidepressants to deal with the trauma, depression and anxiety that followed. I was diagnosed with PTSD. It was a hellish couple of years, nearly cost me my life, impacted my early relationship with my child and put my husband through the ringer. It's by far the worst thing that's ever happened to us.
One of these antidepressant, the one that made me feel least like a zombie, has a side effect of weight gain. More so than others. I was already bigger than i'd been before having a baby (had been a slim size 10, a 14 after birth / meno). After a year on said antidepressants I'm a 16. Im just over the threshold of overweight on the BMI.
I'm pretty sure I'm not the first or only woman to have put on wait after childbirth or menopause, never mind both in quick succession, surgery and depression. I'm not mad keen on my new body tbh. But I'm alive, I'm happy, my marriage is a good one and I am able to be a good mum to my gorgeous son. And my little family and I are proud of that.
So, to my sister. Haven't seen her in years (life/covid - she lives far away). She knows all this stuff has happened. She came to stay. We were chatting and we get to talking about getting older, bodies changing. I mention my meds have made me put on weight, as well as other stuff. My sister says "Well, it's stupid to have antidepressants that make you fat! Getting fat would make me depressed!".
WTAF?
My sister is, and always has been, a waif. She's tall and slender. Drinks like a fish, doesn't do any exercise. My dad has always been the same. My mum and my other sister not so much. I'm not particularly fit. I walk a lot and climbed Snowdon last year.
I feel quite strongly that it is better to be a bit fat and happy, a loving and loved wife and a good mum, than thin and dangerously depressed. At my worst, I genuinely believed my little family would be better off if I was dead. How can my sister not realise that what she said is incredibly offensive? It implies that I should be depressed because of my fatness. That, in these circumstances, I should prefer to be thin, because thinness is prized.
I'd rather be slimmer, mostly for health reasons. I miss my pre baby/life altering surgery body. I'm doing things to address that, in my own way and at my own pace. I do not need to be told my size is more important than my hard won mental health.
I just nodded and changed the subject, but I'm really mad at her. AIBU to think this is an incredibly thoughtless, mean thing to say? Should I tell her? She's much older than me, has form for this stuff, and I've never stood up to her before.