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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset re: class WhatsApp group!

32 replies

Ano18 · 14/11/2022 22:02

I can’t believe I am writing this as it seems very trivial but if I’m honest it’s upsetting me a lot. My child’s class has a WhatsApp group for parents. Every time I post a question I never get a response, people post the same question and get lots of responses. I have posted asking about for example if anyone know what time homework club runs till, no response, another mum asks and gets tons of responses within minutes! There’s loads of banter on there but silence whenever I ask a question. It’s getting me really down if I’m honest to the point I get anxiety about even thinking of asking anything on there.

OP posts:
devilledhens · 14/11/2022 23:13

Are you asking for info that you could look up on the school site or in a letter sent home? If you don’t know the answer, how do other parents?

OhMaria2 · 14/11/2022 23:18

Sometimes asking a question initiates a conversation and can help you break the ice with a new social group

Thisisnothowitwasmeanttogo · 14/11/2022 23:26

There’s a mum on our WhatsApp group chat who asks questions that are really easy to find and does it often. Don’t be that mum, it’s annoying, look it up yourself.

Sleepflower22 · 14/11/2022 23:35

I answer a lot of questions on the class WhatsApp, often easily findable info. However, there's one mum who asks a lot of questions and never even acknowledges anyone replying to her, let alone saying thank you. I've vowed now not to answer her questions because it's always just a one-way thing.

Luredbyapomegranate · 14/11/2022 23:48

It's just one of those things where there's a core group of people who know each other well, and then an outer circle (it won't be just you) who aren't part of their gang.

It isn't necessarily deliberately cliquey - they are busy like everyone else, they make the time to respond to their mates but can't be arsed with chat with people they don't know.

Just mute it, or get to know a couple of people and @ them to increase the chances of a response.

KloppsTeeth · 15/11/2022 00:01

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. I’ve been in similar situations to you, also left out of a year group What’s App. I’m older now and no longer give a shit.

There are always weird dynamics at play within class groups of parents. For the majority, these friendships are transient ones, with nothing in common other than happening to have a child in the same year.

You’ll get, for example, an Emma, who is social climbing and rushes to answer and be helpful to Kate or Jo.
You’ll have Claire, the PTA mum who generally knows everything about the school. She will either be the oracle or will hang back sometimes with answers for fear of looking weird. She might answer Alex’s question, because they go waaaay back.
Sarah, the badly organised mum, will asked questions, she will get answers because people know they can use her for emergency child care and want to keep in.
Amy overthinks things so she posts all the time questioning things, which annoys some people but a few others know her better and don’t mind helping her out.
Mel is everyone’s friend, but is mega busy and if she doesn’t reply right away because she’s only glanced at the message, she forgets. But if she sees a message from Kate, Emma or Amy she will reply as their sons play football together and they might prompt her to remember when she sees them.
Jess is menopausal so she also forgets if she doesn’t know the answer right away.
Wendy hates everyone so never replies.

None of this you would know on the surface. These dynamics are complex and can drive us mad or to upset trying to understand them.

Dont use other parents as secretaries. A lot of info you can find out yourself.

Dont guess or overthink other people’s motives. You are worth more than the unnecessary worry that brings you.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 15/11/2022 02:40

Thisisnothowitwasmeanttogo · 14/11/2022 23:26

There’s a mum on our WhatsApp group chat who asks questions that are really easy to find and does it often. Don’t be that mum, it’s annoying, look it up yourself.

Yes, I think it’s this. We have a mum who does the same. If you answer, she comes back with another question.

She pretty much gets ignored now. People in the group are not secretaries.

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