To be worried about my baby's temperament

[Movingsoon21]

My baby is 8.5 months old and since he was about 6 weeks old he always seems angry/annoyed/extremely upset. As far as we can tell there is nothing wrong with him like an illness or anything and he does have happy/joyful moments but it just seems to be that his personality is set to default angry/unhappy.

For example, when he wakes up from a nap he will cry like the world is ending until you feed him, then shout at you/cry if the bottle finishes before he wants it to or for the 30 seconds it takes me to switch him to the other boob. After a feed he will be happy for a couple of minutes but then whinge/cry until you entertain him. If you play with him for any length of time, as soon as you stop he will sort of shout at you and then eventually cry, he can't be put down on his own even for a couple of minutes. He also shouts/cries while getting dressed/undressed, while having his nappy changed, while in the car, while in the pram and about 2 minutes into any game you play with him (to say he's bored and wants a new activity).

It's really getting us down as we can't really enjoy any time with him. It's just constant crying and moaning unless he's asleep or eating and for a few 1 minute sessions of play each day (before he gets bored). We do everything we could possibly do for him - he has plenty of food and is breastfed on demand in addition to bottles and solids, we always give nap opportunities after the appropriate wake windows, we take him outside for fresh air and a change of scene a couple of times a day, we play with him, sing to him, he has plenty of toys and goes to baby classes to interact with others. He sleeps well overnight so I don't think he's chronically tired. I'm not sure what more we can do! We've tried just leaving him to it on the playmat but he essentially has a huge tantrum and cries as though we're killing him so we always give in and pick him up (he's then calm for a couple of minutes and then the whinging starts again until we play a new game...). I've actually decided to go back to work earlier than planned as I can't take any more days of being whinged at/cried at for so many hours every day, it's so depressing.

AIBU to be concerned about this? Anyone else had a baby like this? And did they become happier/ nicer company as they got older?

Have you thought about teaching him baby sign? He's coming up to the age to be able to start signing back. We found it helped massively once they could let you know what they wanted.

I also agree with a PP. It isn't normal to be sick after solids regularly so I'd get that looked into.

Unless there are medical issues, I would see this as a potential positive - being easily pleased/passive is easier for parents but not necessarily better.

My DD was completely like this.

As a person (she's now 25) she's competitive and still needs constant entertainment. She's always busy and preparing for the next thing !

The good news is that this has meant in life she's done well and happy. So am I, now I don't have to entertain her or be her social secretary.

My daughter was like this - such an angry, unhappy baby. Always crying! She grew in to the loveliest girl. She's very calm, sweet and caring. At 12, she's still a delight.
My son, in contrast, was a very content, smiley baby. He's now 10 and a right handful!!

My niece was like this, just seemed an unhappy baby, she was even worse as a toddler. Turned 4 and she became this very happy kid. 😊

She's 23 now and we laugh together about it all, but it was mega distressing at the time as she'd get herself into such a tizz and nothing we did could keep her content.

My eldest was such a grump, he would scowl at anyone who dared to smile at him.

He is now a very kind, friendly 15 year old who I wouldn't change for all the tea in china.

My granddaughter was like this. She seemed so fed up and angry with everyone. She used to frown so much!

I look after her one day a week and I can honestly say it was not very enjoyable at all. I think she just hated being a baby, things really changed when she was 18 months and started taking, she’s two now and can communicate so well, all of the frustration has gone and she’s such a pleasure and so content.

Hold on in there, he will get there.

At my workplace (childcare setting) we had one who was like this. It slowly changed around a year old, definitely seemed to coincide with being able to walk, and now he's a completely different boy. Around 15 months now.

Most oldest son was like this. Now he's the easy one. The one who was the angelic easy baby is now a nightmare! 🙈

Ahh my first as like this, whiny and moany and would never sit/lie to play without an adult. She grew out of it, I agree with PP saying a lot of it is frustration. It gets soooo much better.

My second son was like this and was probably grumpy until about 3 if I’m brutally honest (it was a sliding scale though as he was loads more fun at 3 then he was as a baby). Turns out he was constipated - once we got the constipation under control his fun side really started to emerge and at 5 he is so much better (still a bit of a grump when tired but only with us and I can probably blame starting school a little bit)

Sounds like my high needs daughter! She got better once she could walk at 10 months, and then talking. She’s still extremely strong willed, determined, and likes to do everything herself!!
she also had serious separation anxiety spikes around 7/8 months and then again 18 months ish.

Worth ruling anything out but to reassure you: my son was like this- was born angry and screamed like crazy every time he woke (4-6 every night) it was relentless and I got really exhausted and felt like you re temperament. Fast forward a few years and he is the most gorgeous, loving little boy, very popular and thoughtful. Hang in there. I remember buying 2 baby books for him to try to record any nice milestones because everything else was so tough!

"For example, when he wakes up from a nap he will cry like the world is ending until you feed him, then shout at you/cry if the bottle finishes before he wants it to or for the 30 seconds it takes me to switch him to the other boob. After a feed he will be happy for a couple of minutes but then whinge/cry until you entertain him. If you play with him for any length of time, as soon as you stop he will sort of shout at you and then eventually cry, he can't be put down on his own even for a couple of minutes. He also shouts/cries while getting dressed/undressed, while having his nappy changed, while in the car, while in the pram and about 2 minutes into any game you play with him (to say he's bored and wants a new activity"
"We've tried just leaving him to it on the playmat but he essentially has a huge tantrum and cries as though we're killing him so we always give in and pick him up"
I don't think he is a grumpy baby, just one who loves his parents attention. Unfortunately, it sounds like you have unconsciously taught him that if he makes a fuss you will entertain him/ make a fuss of him/ give him attention. This isn't a bad thing as he is a little baby but if it is stressng you out you need to plan beforehand how to manage it. If you decide that you are going to put him down and leave him to cry then you have to stick with it , otherwise you just showing him that if he sticks it out you will give in. You could try not picking him up, but distracting him? That said I could never leave mine to cry and did house work with them in a cuddle carrier!🤦‍♀️ Good luck.

He’s gonna be outspoken abs say what he needs. What’s wrong with that?

Mine were both like this, I was constantly worried they were going to be high needs, difficult, forever, but they aren't. They're probably the most easy going, laid back, lovely, happy, kind, children now! Mine were both just very obviously frustrated by being babies, as soon as they could walk and talk, they were absolute delights. First one didn't even have any "toddler tantrums", second had her fair share, but both at school now, and are probably the easiest kids I know. The thing you say about waking up and crying, I remember so well, it was like they were in a fit of rage the second the opened their eyes, and constantly looked pissed off and miserable! My nephew wakes up smiling and will happily lay there for an hour babbling to himself before looking for some attention, I cannot believe it, because mine were just so so different. My heart used to sink a little when they'd stir from a nap as I knew it was hours of misery until they slept again. It was exhausting keeping them in the slightest bit content, literally felt like I couldn't do anything right. As I said, they are so happy and joyful now, and I don't miss those grumpy baby days!

You have a baby that is fed up being a baby, I had one. She was much happier once she was mobile. He'll be much happier once I've can get into everything himself

You say he is still sick after eating. What do you mean?

I'd definitely go doctor as it could be pain. With you mentioning sick, reflux is a possibility. The acid is extremely uncomfortable and can be painful. There's also silent reflux where the acid comes up but baby swallows it down. Does he do any grunting when laid down? Also it could be a food allergy. Keep a diary of behaviour/mood/nappies etc for 24 hour to show to doctor as saying he cries 'all the time' will be dismissed as an over reaction.

He may well be very bright or very independent. He may well be far happier when he can walk. My second baby was like this. Being a motionless bundle pissed her off!! She walked early and was a sunny toddler. My first was the happiest baby ever. She screamed at me from age 3 until...23...just sayin🤣

Mine was similar until I sleep trained she was much happier when well rested

My DS was like this as a baby. I decided it was because he couldn’t communicate yet and someone recommended that I take him to baby sign classes. He loved them!

He’s seven-years-old now and is still fiery when things frustrate him, but is the kindest, happiest little boy. And a total chatterbox.

He also walked at NINE MONTHS OLD! So a combination of being mobile, learning a few baby signs, and then finally learning to talk really eased up his grump.

If they're being sick after eating or drinking, i would be getting that checked out by GP as could be reflux or allegies.

How much sleep does he get during the day? I have an 8.5 month old too. She sleep 6-6 at night with a night feed, so maybe 11 hours. If she gets tired then she’ll scream bloody murder when I lay her down for a nappy change or to change her clothes or to dry her after the bath.

we didn’t know what was causing it at first because she resisted sleep. But once we cracked it then we were able to manage her so much better. She shouts in her high chair when she’s tired etc… I use it as her que to go to sleep. She naps 3 x 1 hours during the day. If she wakes up after 30 mins then I have to get her back down because otherwise she continues to be an angry baby 😂😂

When she’s well rested she is a happy chatty (babble) laughing squeaking bundle of lovely baby. But when she’s tired it’s awful 😱😱

Thanks for more encouraging responses - it really does help!

in terms of being sick, I mean after milk, not after solids. He’s always been more reflux-y than other babies although this has hugely improved over the last couple of months. I feel like we can now tell when he’s crying from pain/discomfort rather than anger but maybe we’re missing some cues.

he’s definitely frustrated that he can’t crawl yet so hopefully that comes soon!