Opinions please!

username98765 · 2022-11-14T20:27:25+00:00

So little bit of background. My DP and I have been together for 9 years. A few years ago we broke up and both started seeing other people. We then both decided we wanted to be together and worked through our issues and we are now happily back together. Fast forward to now and my DPs Dad is now seeing the Mum of the girl DP was seeing. AIBU to have had a minor meltdown about this?? When I say minor I mean massive! DP doesn't seem to understand why I have reacted this way. Obviously it's totally out of his control and I'm not blaming him but it would be nice if he understood or at least tried. I'm now just dreading family events etc. It's actually giving me sleepless nights, especially with Christmas around the corner. We are both happy now and it's not an issue of me worrying about DP having any kind of feelings for her it just going to be bloody awkward!

dogsod · 14/11/2022 20:30

oh dear that will be awkward
hopefully it fizzles out
have you met her yet?
Daughter is unlikely to he happy about it and probably wo t come to family events

Original poster

username98765 · 14/11/2022 20:33

No I haven't met her yet. And I'm pretty sure the daughter will have no worries about feeling awkward! She is extremely immature.

OP posts:

Travis1 · 14/11/2022 20:34

YABU. Your poor partner

Original poster

username98765 · 14/11/2022 20:39

Travis1 · 14/11/2022 20:34

YABU. Your poor partner

Yes poor him too but he thinks it's ok!

OP posts:

Imnothereforthegiggles · 14/11/2022 20:41

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angelikacpickles · 14/11/2022 20:41

What sort of family event would involve both your DP and his father's girlfriend's daughter?

angelikacpickles · 14/11/2022 20:42

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The dad is not going out with the ex - he's going out with her mother.

Windtunnel · 14/11/2022 20:47

What would you like to happen? Your partner loves you and has chosen to be with you.
I'm good friends, mutual godmothers in fact, with dh's ex. Not awkward.
These things happen. Not much u can do about it, are you looking for ways to help you cope psychologically?
It's just a bump in the road op, try and focus on what you do have rather than your insecurities.

Travis1 · 14/11/2022 20:48

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This is an ex partner from ‘years ago’. Her partners father is a grown man and can have a relationship with whoever he likes. By the sounds of this it’s early days to be dramatising family celebrations. They are all adults, no one
is asking op to hold hands and skip with this woman and most of all she had a ‘massive tantrum’ over this. Something her partner cannot control. She’s waving all the red flags here and it’s women like her that lead to the stereotyping of women as ‘psycho’s’, ‘unhinged’ etc etc

Original poster

username98765 · 14/11/2022 20:54

angelikacpickles · 14/11/2022 20:41

What sort of family event would involve both your DP and his father's girlfriend's daughter?

We go over to DPs Dads most Sundays. We haven't been for the last few weeks due to having other things on but I know they have both been there as my brother in law has said.

OP posts:

Imnothereforthegiggles · 14/11/2022 20:57

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Stopthebusplease · 14/11/2022 21:05

In all honesty OP, I don't think it would feel any worse than if you get divorced and then your children get married. You just have to bite the bullet, smile and pretend that everything is OK, when you see your Ex with his new wife at the wedding. Yes, it's awkward, but it's in the past. In your case your DP chose you, and that's all that matters. On the other hand, if she turns up at your DP's Dad's while you're there, and starts flirting with your partner, I would have a quiet word with your DP, telling him that if she can't behave, then you are leaving. Then if he doesn't get it, you should give him an ear bashing, but I think having a melt down now, was a bit of an overreaction.

Original poster

username98765 · 14/11/2022 21:12

Stopthebusplease · 14/11/2022 21:05

In all honesty OP, I don't think it would feel any worse than if you get divorced and then your children get married. You just have to bite the bullet, smile and pretend that everything is OK, when you see your Ex with his new wife at the wedding. Yes, it's awkward, but it's in the past. In your case your DP chose you, and that's all that matters. On the other hand, if she turns up at your DP's Dad's while you're there, and starts flirting with your partner, I would have a quiet word with your DP, telling him that if she can't behave, then you are leaving. Then if he doesn't get it, you should give him an ear bashing, but I think having a melt down now, was a bit of an overreaction.

When I say meltdown it was more of a meltdown in my head. I didn't have a it out with DP at all as it's not his fault.

OP posts:

angelikacpickles · 14/11/2022 23:03

username98765 · 14/11/2022 20:54

We go over to DPs Dads most Sundays. We haven't been for the last few weeks due to having other things on but I know they have both been there as my brother in law has said.

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Does the mother live with your DP's dad then? It sounded from your initial post that they had just started going out together. Why would the daughter be at her mum's new boyfriend's house every Sunday?

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 14/11/2022 23:14

Huge overreaction IMO.

And as for the PP who used the phrase "sloppy seconds" that is a truly horrid and misogynistic term. 🤢

Original poster

username98765 · 15/11/2022 06:51

@angelikacpickles I think they have been seeing each other for a few months. And he has lots of people over on a Sunday for drinks. Always has.

OP posts:

Whatwouldscullydo · 15/11/2022 07:08

I think you are over reacting a bit tbh. They are both adults and can see who they want.

Dp chose you. And you were both single when your dp was seeing the womans dd anyway.

This is how people meet. Friends of friends. Work etc. What degree of separation would you deem " acceptable"

TidyDancer · 15/11/2022 07:11

I think you're hugely overreacting, mostly because you haven't actually been in the same room as this woman. Making unpleasant comments about her maturity won't help, she might well think the same about you. Maybe you'd both be wrong, maybe you're both right. But you don't know because you haven't met.

Bottom line, there is nothing you can do about this situation other than behave like an adult and be polite if you end up seeing her. Same with your DP. Don't make things awkward.

Original poster

username98765 · 15/11/2022 07:53

TidyDancer · 15/11/2022 07:11

I think you're hugely overreacting, mostly because you haven't actually been in the same room as this woman. Making unpleasant comments about her maturity won't help, she might well think the same about you. Maybe you'd both be wrong, maybe you're both right. But you don't know because you haven't met.

Bottom line, there is nothing you can do about this situation other than behave like an adult and be polite if you end up seeing her. Same with your DP. Don't make things awkward.

I've been in the same room as her many times and we've all out at the same place before so yes I can make comments on how immature she is as she has already shown that. I have no intentions of making things awkward at all I can just see that things could potentially be unpleasant.

OP posts:

CheeseIsMyPatronus · 15/11/2022 07:56

You’re being ridiculous.

TidyDancer · 15/11/2022 08:04

Sorry I misread, it's her mum you haven't met.

The thing is OP, your seemingly excessive reaction to this is actually making it sound like you're possibly immature yourself so maybe it's time to take the high road and be the adult about this. Grey rock her if needed, but I just don't think this needs to be a drama.