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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Think it's odd this mum phoned me & asked to speak to my son

32 replies

User125179313 · 14/11/2022 19:58

My DS is in year 7. A boy who he went to primary school with (they were in different classes) goes to the same secondary - i'll call him boyA. This boy's mum and I have never really spoken much. We're in a couple of the same whatapp groups but I don't have her number saved. She phoned me tonight and said 'hi User125179313, can I speak to your DS?'. I asked why and she said she wanted to talk to him about an incident that occurred at school. I wasn't with DS at the time so said i'd speak to him and call her back. I spoke to DS and the incident didn't actually involve him, it involved another boy and boyA but my DS did overhear some of it. I called the mum back and told her what DS had told me and she said 'can I speak to him myself?'. I told her I didn't feel that was necessary as I had already told her what he had heard. She said (quite aggressively) 'in that case I will just call the school and they can get all the parents in instead. I phoned you because I know your DS was nearby and I thought as we knew each other you'd be willing to help me'. I told her that I would put the phone on loudspeaker so DS could repeat what he had already told me but if she felt the incident was that serious, she should be contacting the school anyway.

Am I unreasonable to think it's odd to phone another mum (that you barely know) and ask to speak to their child? I don't think I would ever do that but she made it sound like I was being unreasonable for saying no! Am i??

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 14/11/2022 20:00

Very odd

I think you did the right thing to not allow this.

Icecreamandapplepie · 14/11/2022 20:00

She's being a bit out but she's obviously concerned for her son so I wouldn't be too put out.

Like you said, maybe it would be better sorted through the school.

notanothertakeaway · 14/11/2022 20:01

Best let school deal with it

Dartmoorcheffy · 14/11/2022 20:02

I would have suggested the speakerphone option at the start rather than saying no. She's obviously upset about something concerning her son. At 11 years old they aren't babies any more and can speak to adults.

Johnnysgirl · 14/11/2022 20:04

Dartmoorcheffy · 14/11/2022 20:02

I would have suggested the speakerphone option at the start rather than saying no. She's obviously upset about something concerning her son. At 11 years old they aren't babies any more and can speak to adults.

Agree.

Chomolungma · 14/11/2022 20:04

So I'm guessing her son was being picked on and she wants your son to corroborate his story? I can understand that she wants to check the details with a neutral third party before going to the school about the incident (whatever it was).

Onlyforcake · 14/11/2022 20:05

Absolutely she's over stepped badly there. You were right to refer her back to the school.

Georgeskitchen · 14/11/2022 20:08

I agree. Let the school sort it out

HelloBambinos · 14/11/2022 20:09

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I understand she may be concerned about her son but that whole line of 'i thought you would be willing to help me' really doesn't sit right..how were you not helpful exactly? Unless she was trying to push a narrative onto your son about what had occurred between her ds and the other child? I'm speculating of course but what other reason would she have for getting so arsey about not speaking to your son alone? Your son is 11/12 years old ffs. Why would she be so aggressive about speaking to him rather than involving you? Seems a bit odd.

Liz1tummypain · 14/11/2022 20:22

Have to see what the school do now

serenaisaknobhead · 14/11/2022 20:26

YANBU. She is for wanting to question a child she doesn't know we'll over the phone. She should've gone straight to the school and let them handle it. I wouldn't even have put my DS on speakerphone

Jjones8 · 14/11/2022 20:28

YANBU. I wouldn’t have let her speak to him.

Comedycook · 14/11/2022 20:31

She should not have done that. Very inappropriate of her imo. I wouldn't have let her speak to my ds. She can take it up with the school.

WonderingWanda · 14/11/2022 20:31

You did the right thing. She might have Neen trying to influence your son or worse lying to you and wanting to give him an ear bashing. School can deal with it and take the necessary statements. If she got aggressive then I doubt she had anything nice to say to your ds. Having heard the way some parents speak to our school receptionists there's no chance I would let someone I didn't know speak to my child on the phone.

CopOut27 · 14/11/2022 20:33

I think you did the right thing. We are all concerned for our DC but a) she should have told you/asked why she wanted to speak with him at the very least and b) these things are best dealt with by the school.

Had she said, Boy A is having some issues, school aren’t being great and I’d really appreciate if your son could tell me his version that might be ok. Parents randomly calling to speak to other children about who knows what and to what ends that information will be used is NOT ok. For all you know Boy A is the perpetrator and she’s looking for an out, how does anyone know.

username98765 · 14/11/2022 20:36

Omg that's very odd! Surely she'd want to speak to you! That's what I'd do anyway.

upfucked · 14/11/2022 20:39

These things are beat left with school to investigate anyway.

SirenSays · 14/11/2022 20:39

A mum did this to me when I was a teen. I thought she was unhinged and it just made her horrible daughter even more unpopular.

Blueblell · 14/11/2022 20:40

I wouldn’t have let her speak to my son when she is being aggressive. It is always best to let the school handle this sort of thing.

MissEnolaHolmes · 14/11/2022 20:42

serenaisaknobhead · 14/11/2022 20:26

YANBU. She is for wanting to question a child she doesn't know we'll over the phone. She should've gone straight to the school and let them handle it. I wouldn't even have put my DS on speakerphone

This - it is actually her bullying a minor. The police would not speak to a child without a parent present and she isn’t the police.

I would email the school as a matter of urgency and state what had happened.

she should not be phoning children

dwArty · 14/11/2022 20:43

I would have been very taken aback at this and probably reacted as you did but then afterwards wished I'd put her on speaker with me. I would never call someone else's child. I have a 12 year old neighbour who plays with my little ones regularly and if I ever have to message her I always message the mother to say what I've messaged the daughter because it feels totally inappropriate for me to be sending her anything the mum doesn't know about.

serenaisaknobhead · 14/11/2022 20:58

Agree with @MissEnolaHolmes

You need to tell the school she called wanting to question your child. Who knows how many other kids she's been hounding.

They're children. It isn't right.

QS90 · 14/11/2022 21:28

She's worried about her son! I don't think calling was out of bounds if I'm honest.

Also, although 11 is still a child, it's hardly a baby. I think at that age people have some responsibility to speak up if they have seen something (I'm assuming bullying in this instance, or something similarly unsavoury), and aren't so young that simple questioning would be unreasonable / disturbing. Different of course if someone was properly laying into him.

Hopefully the school will sort it as you say, but I can understand the other mum not having much faith in them.

ScreamingInfidelities · 14/11/2022 21:35

YANBU, she’s massively overstepped. You should let the school know.

MrsLighthouse · 14/11/2022 21:41

YANBU . No way would l let an adult interrogate my child ! Schools deal with this stuff everyday.

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