To feel let down by ‘friends’

[Notahappychick]

So I know everyone has shit going on in their lives but every time I try to meet up with friends it seems like they don’t want to know. I feel like I bend over backwards to arrange meet up at a time that suits them, accommodate when is best for them, whether their child/ grandchild/ dog also needs accommodating at that time so whether we are going for coffee, a walk, their home or mine etc. It’s always me that messages, and all I seem to get are brushoffs. I am self employed and work alone so these catch ups are really important to me but clearly not so much to them which I find very frustrating as I have supported each of them through some shit times. I’m talking out of 4 friends (my circle is quite small) I’ve only seen one of them this year.

@WednesdaysChild11
@Coffeepot72

Yes I might start looking for something to start doing in the new year, I’m a bit of a home bird at this time of year!
I mean I’ve got plenty of ppl I can call or message so not lonely but they’re not necessarily the people I could have those ‘best friend’ kind of conversations with iykwim.

@Laurdo I agree, I’d rather have no friends than shit friends, looks like I’m heading that way!

I do agree somewhat with the responses. Unfortunately I’ve been in situations (with many friends actually!) who continually cancel, or refuse to go out anywhere unless it’s between the hours of 10-2 on a specific weekday. The weekend is absolutely off limits. I understand that those two days are usually when families spend time together, but if it meant me going to see a friend for a few hours on a Saturday who I haven’t seen for a long time I would absolutely do it, or try my best to work around it if I had plans.

It’s very upsetting when you are one making all the effort and I bet you would probably lose some friendships along the way if you stopped doing it. I know I would! I don’t think it makes you look desperate as such, it just makes you realise that you are putting in far more effort to maintain the relationship…

@Tomatopasta exactly this, one could only do evenings, one Saturdays, one could only meet on a Monday which meant I would pencil her in whenever I had a week off and then we’d confirm nearer the time.
It is upsetting when you send someone a lovely message for their birthday and ask about meeting up sometime and all you get back is ‘thank you’. Or someone cancelled due to a cold almost two months ago and is going to get back to you when they’re better…..

@Floatyflip hardly. Do you not have any good friends who live a long way away?

😂 I'm an idiot lol. But hey! Grandchildren in the future hopefully? x

@WednesdaysChild11 yes, already have DP’s grandchildren around and some from my side to come but hopefully not too soon!

@Floatyflip two were very good friends years ago when our children were young, one was colleague from a previous job so a bit more then acquaintances, that’s why I feel let down by people who I thought I would go through thick and thin with. Yes family and work commitments change and friendships change along with that over time but that doesn’t make it any easier at the thought that you are losing friends along the way.

I’ve been having the same problem for so long Myself. I’ve been let down so much by friends mostly but also family. True, dependable friends are rare. My best friend let me down again today after we made plans to meet up and i’m at a point where i honestly feel i may as well let go of this friendship that has lasted over 30 years. The crazy thing is we’ve always lived close by each other yet she never really has ever made the effort to visit me. I’m sooo tired atp.