Too many settling in sessions with childminder??

[Littlewiseone]

First post on Mumsnet as a new Mum!
Son (9mths) is on his 7th settling in session with new cm. He usually stays there for one hour max before I am called to pick him up, and usually because he has started crying. I wonder why there isn't more of an effort to console him at this point in order so that he can get used to being there a bit longer! I leave his face toys, food, milk there so these things can be used. I expect that as a professional the cm will be able to console him and I feel after six sessions (next is 7th) we should be aiming for longer! Luckily I am on mat leave still and have the time to sit outside and wait in the car however, I am starting to get a little impatient! AIBU? The cm is baby led and I support that.

That does seem excessive. A nursery near us do loads of settling sessions and it seems it can have the opposite effect to the intended for some babies.
I would ask her to persevere in the next session. There’s going to be crying when you’re at work and it’ll have to be dealt with.

I used to be a childminder.
I usually offered two
One where you came and sat with us and played. Slowly becoming less involved, hopefully sat at the dining table.
The next, if that went well, I'd ask you to leave, stay local ish. I probably wouldn't do a lunch time, so home before then.
Then start, tbh it usually hasn't helped dragging it out in my cases.

The sounds like a lot of settling sessions! I’ve never heard anyone having more than 2 before doing a half day then full day.
If he’s never there for more than an hour he won’t be able to learn to settle.

She sounds a bit rubbish.

sounds like it's making it harder for him to settle! If he learns that you'll come if he cries surely he will learn to cry for you? Whereas if she is able to distract him when he cries he will learn that he is okay and can have a nice time there.

Another cm here!
I don't actually do any settling in sessions, completely pointless with a 9 month old, as they will forget about you in between sessions!
7 is ridiculous- are you sure she actually wants to look after baby? X

Yeah that's ridiculous. We had 3 at nursery and it was fine.

Our nursery switched from 3x1 hr sessions (including one where I stayed) to a whole month of settles of 1-3 hours. So my second DD was in and out all the time.

That does sound a lot. We generally do 3 where I work although we can do more at a parent request.
First one parents stay most of the session. Second one parents usually stay about 30 minutes, then leave for an hour to an hour and a half.
Third session parents stay for about 10 minutes and then child stays for about 2 hours, including a meal time.
Obviously if a child is hysterical we call the parents early but after 6 sessions that shouldn't be the case.
Ask her nicely if she can preserve a bit next time. Remind her you are going back to work soon and you won't be able to pick up just because your son is a bit upset.
Besides anything else your son is going to learn that all he has to do is cry and you'll come back and that's going to be a shock when you go back to work.
I'm not sure if I might look for another childminder.

sorry, you can't be expected to pick him up unless he is unwell. Of course he will cry, his routine has changed and he doesn't understand. He will get used to it. He needs distracting with toys, songs etc.
You can't come running once you are back at work every time he squaks.

Sounds like she can’t be at arsed. I’d expect first session you stay with him for an hour or so and then build up so by day 3 or 4 he’s doing a full day. 6 settlings is ridiculous. 9 month olds cry and she’s clearly not even trying if you’re getting a call after less than an hour. I know it can be a struggle to find childcare but I personally would not want leave my baby who can’t yet communicate with someone clearly so lazy and who isn’t even trying to meet his needs.

Unless of course it’s a big misunderstanding and she thinks that you actually want to collect him the second he’s upset? Are you actually sat outside her house in the car every time because that might be influencing her?

Nursery had 2 settling in sessions for my kids at that age. First one I stayed and played for half an hour (except in COVID for DS3 when we sat outside), second one I dropped off and left for an hour. The next day they went in as usual. DS3 particularly took a while to settle in and often cried a bit at drop off for the first few months- but I wouldn't expect to be called back for that, only if they were unwell or had been inconsolable for a long period.

I don't see the point of settling in sessions unless the parent stays. Surely the point is that the child gets used to the new carer while mum is still there so they aren't left with a stranger. We had 4 with our nursery. On the last I left for 30 mins. It worked well.

Realistically, childcare can't be child led. What 9 month old actually wants to be away from primary carers? They just have to get used to it. Otherwise children would probably stay home until they were at least 3, in some cases probably more like 6!

My DD had no settling sessions at her CM when she started at nearly 10 months.

The times she was weepy were when she was over a year.

When she went to nursery she had one settling session and she came away disappointed she couldn't stay longer.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I was in a bit of a state yesterday not knowing what to do! Theres always a wider context to these situations and the cm is lovely, if not a bit too softly softly. I sent a text yesterday evening - dilpomatic but assertive and kind - and she asked me to take him earlier today at 8am and he's still there! So I'm much happier now. The settling in with a cm and handing over my baby generally is without doubt, the hardest thing I've since birthing him. Thanks again to all of you for the help, Its appreciated!