To think I just look like a crazy stalker?

[Winterblu3s]

DD2.4 is going through a tricky stage, teeth coming through and lots of tantrums, especially in the night. Spoke to HV today who said I needed to stop giving into her, but that's easier said them done when you have neighbours.
Neighbours are on the older side and have never have never had children so I'm conscious about what they must think. DD screaming at 2 in the morning, me and DH then snipping at each other and eventually me ending up crying as DD does not respond to anything, just has to work it out her system.
I've tried knocking on neighbours door in the past to explain but they never answer.
Today I've come back from shopping with DD to see neighbours car not there, they only tend to go out for around an hour at a time, great I thought I'll sit by the window and catch them when they come home so I can apologise for the noise and explain the situation. Only I've been sitting by the window now for 2 hours and they are not back, the other neighbours must think I've gone mad as I'm sitting on a toddler chair and keep standing up and looking out the window every time i hear a car.

AIBU for still sitting here or should I just give up??

I've also thought of leaving a note but really want to speak to them face to face.

Your neighbours are clearly not interested in speaking to you. For your own sake as well as theirs, just leave them alone.

We've always had a good relationship with them and see them a lot in the summer months on our communal car park. In the 4 years we have lived here though they never have answered the door, even if we have gone to collect / give back a parcel.

Sounds like they aren't interested in talking to you, please just stop before you do get a name for yourself being a stalker.

I actually think it’s quite sweet and considerate of you to be concerned about the neighbours re noise and to want to explain to them.
but yes if they don’t give you a chance to talk to them there’s not much you can do about it

Then you know they don't answer their door. Why would you continue to knock? Leave them alone.

They know you have a child.
They know that they teeth/cry.
I don't think that they have an issue, otherwise they will have approached you.

Don't make an issue of it yourself.

My 3 year old is the same. I sit there cuddling him, walking round the house carrying him, massages, drink, lullabies. Nothing calms him down. He tires himself out after about half hour to an hour. My neighbours reported me to social services because they thought I was letting him cry out in his room alone.

I live next door to the worlds loudest children (and have the worlds thinnest walls). I don't have children but understand some noises can't be helped. I wouldn't expect and explanation from my neighbour.

I think this is my fear. My DD won't let me cuddle her as she will just lash out at me, she won't go back to her bed, my bed or anything, she literally just has to calm herself down, and them not having children makes me wonder what on earth they must think.
I know before I had a child, if I heard that I would be concerned 😟

Honestly, I think that’s a little bit strange. Surely some noise is to be expected with a young family and the neighbours will understand that. If they haven’t complained about the noise, I wouldn’t worry. Just carry on with your day and if you still really feel the need to say something, then just do it when you bump into them.

I hope they feel the same.
I'm really sensitive about having a good relationship with neighbours as I hate conflict and would hate for there to be any friction.
Part of me does hope that if they where that bothered they would of bought it up with me before now.

I feel for you op. And I know it's not the point of the thread but your health visitor sounds awful. Sh shouldn't be framing your daughter's issue as some kind of power trip. She should be helping you to explore what might be happening for her and how to proactively help.

Anywayyyyy.... As for your neighbours. I agree that if it was a major issue for them they would likely have come to you already. But if you feel so inclined, pop a wee card through the door acknowledging that the noise at night is a problem and you are working on it.

My neighbour is retired but has adult kids. My neighbours before all had young children and didn’t mind at all. My DS tenses his body when I try cuddle him at first like he’s in pain but says nothing hurts.

I get very anxious about upsetting people (thanks shot childhood) but this is a step too far for even me. You need to calm down. If the neighbours complain then explain, otherwise just live your life. You aren’t making noise on purpose

I'm deffo going to give into DD her gums are so swollen atm she must be in pain (I am giving regular pain meds and teething gel) it's not her fault.
I probably do need to stop going into the bathroom to cry though as it has an adjoining wall, but sometimes I'm just so tired and feel so powerless it resorts me to tears.

No advice from me, just sympathy.

I understand what you are going through. It may seem helpful to speak to neighbours but it might open up a situation for them to say something that makes you feel even worse.
Good luck j

Powerless is the key word here. And by preempting any conflict with your neighbours you are trying to gain some control in a situation that is making your feel powerless. If it makes you feel better do it.

Although ultimately leaning into the powerlessness is a good way to get through it. Accepting that there is literally nothing you can do at this point in time to make it any better can take the pressure off.

If you really need to explain just put a note through the door but normal childhood noises and complete tantrums are going to be heard but try and stop your worrying it'll pass.

Honestly OP try not to worry about it. They haven't complained about the noise so don't stress over trying to appease them in person. A card or a note through the door would suffice (if you feel you must!)

Your subsequent posts sound like you're worried the neighbours might have concerns over your childs welfare. You sound deeply stressed about this whole situation. Maybe you could speak to your HV about your worries?

Good luck, OP.

A bit odd yes. Just pop a note through the door if you like, but don't be OTT about it.

So happened to bump into them when taking DD for a walk. They said they barely hear anything (blatant lie but very nice of them) they also said they fully understand as they have nieces and nephews and they get its a phase. Feel so much better now I've spoken to them

I do not want my neighbors coming to my door, I don't wan't anyone coming to my door bar packages or emergancies (fire, gas leak, medical etc...).

Im perfectly polite to neighbors if I see them in public places, I have taken a package for them before etc... but they are not my friends.

I would be creeped out by a neighbor spying on my house trying to corner me for a chat, its wierd.

Just an idea OP but could it be night terrors? We had similar with DS1 at around that age and eventually realised it was a night terror. Might be worth googling to see if it fits?

To be honest I think you would irritate me more than a screaming child at all hours of the morning. Do you not get the hint that they do not want to be bothered?