Friend always fishing for news on my relationship with my husband.

Notlivinglife · 2022-11-14T01:08:35+00:00

Fed up with friend always asking how things are. Really annoyed! Yes i have confided in her a few times in last couple of years when I was in a bad place but I have this feeling she has discussed my business with another friend of mine. So bored of talking about the same thing coNot sure i want to tell her anything now. Also she has blanked my text to meet up .

Aquamarine1029 · 14/11/2022 01:12

What sort of things were you telling her?

Miss03852 · 14/11/2022 01:59

Is she in a relationship? Very odd of her to be obsessed like that

phishy · 14/11/2022 03:13

Just tell her ‘Things are amazing. We are so loved up’ every time.

She’ll soon stop asking if her question brings up no angst.

BasiliskStare · 14/11/2022 03:58

I would say everything is lovely ( if you get the opportunity to speak ) and then just not speak at all

brighterthanthemoon · 14/11/2022 06:07

Also she has blanked my text to meet up maybe she's sensed you don't like the conversation anymore?

What are you telling her about your husband though - if he's a dick maybe she's concerned

Original poster

Notlivinglife · 14/11/2022 06:11

I value our friendship but my husband and I were in a really bad place mentally. Our marriage was falling apart, I was struggling and feeling very depressed about it and had no one else to turn to.
I explained to her we're trying to make things work for the sake of the family so can we just leave it at that and move on. AIBU?

OP posts:

serenaisaknobhead · 14/11/2022 06:13

Not you're not BU.

However given you're confided in her a few times when your marriage hasn't been at it's best, it's not surprising she's checking up and wanting to know things are ok.

If, however, you think she's been gossiping about your marriage, why would you even want to meet up with her?

Snoken · 14/11/2022 06:45

It really isn’t so strange that she is asking, you were depressed and struggling with your marriage and relied on her for support, she is most likely just checking in to see you are not back in that place. It’s not really fair of you to use her as a crutch when things are tough and then get annoyed when she cares about you when things are better.

girlmom21 · 14/11/2022 06:56

You have to understand when you tell your friend things are bad they're going to worry.

Especially if you're trying to make it work 'for the family' rather than because you love each other.

Bretonstrip · 14/11/2022 06:58

Ah I had a friend like you. Awful marriage which became the world which our friendship revolved around, except when “everything was fine” and she’d ask why I was obsessed with her relationship 🤷🏼‍♀️

I swiftly ended the friendship. I understand they have now divorced and got back together and then split up and got back together and then split up again since.

RebeccaCloud9 · 14/11/2022 07:04

She's only asking. Which is reasonable seeing as you have spoken to her about it before. Sounds like either genuine concern, or maybe even just something to talk about eg How are you? How's the job? How's it going with your husband?

Katelyn88 · 14/11/2022 07:15

Is she interested in your husband or perhaps already having an affair!?

Snoken · 14/11/2022 07:25

Katelyn88 · 14/11/2022 07:15

Is she interested in your husband or perhaps already having an affair!?

What the actual fuck! She is just being a caring friend who is concerned about her friend who has complained about being depressed over the state of her marriage.

Dweetfidilove · 14/11/2022 07:54

Katelyn88 · 14/11/2022 07:15

Is she interested in your husband or perhaps already having an affair!?

🙊🙊🙊 You should stop.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/11/2022 08:02

If you've previously confided that your marriage is in trouble she's bound to want to check that you're OK.

You can't have it both ways. If your marriage was sufficiently troubled that you were confiding in friends you can't then be suspicious and irritated that they follow up.

IntrovertedPenguin · 14/11/2022 08:11

Just say "everything is great thanks." Rinse and repeat.

ThreeRingCircus · 14/11/2022 08:15

Snoken · 14/11/2022 06:45

It really isn’t so strange that she is asking, you were depressed and struggling with your marriage and relied on her for support, she is most likely just checking in to see you are not back in that place. It’s not really fair of you to use her as a crutch when things are tough and then get annoyed when she cares about you when things are better.

Exactly. You've spoken to her before about things being really bad so it just sounds like she's checking on you. Especially if you've told her you're "trying to make it work" which isn't exactly a resounding endorsement of your marriage.

It reads like you're feeling insecure about the state of things and are projecting your anger onto her a bit.

anexcellentwoman · 14/11/2022 08:15

How would you feel if your husband had confided in his best friend and you knew the friend kept asking for updates on your relationship. It does seem that a lot of female posters confide in friends and family ( Mum, sister etc) but object when their husband does the same thing and confides in his mother or his friends.
I think it is always best to be discreet and loyal unless you need support to escape an abusive relationship.

Gumreduction · 14/11/2022 08:16

So probes you for info
but now blanking
isnt that a contradiction?

all sounds very childish

Snoken · 14/11/2022 08:19

anexcellentwoman · 14/11/2022 08:15

How would you feel if your husband had confided in his best friend and you knew the friend kept asking for updates on your relationship. It does seem that a lot of female posters confide in friends and family ( Mum, sister etc) but object when their husband does the same thing and confides in his mother or his friends.
I think it is always best to be discreet and loyal unless you need support to escape an abusive relationship.

I disagree with this completely. These are exactly the types of situations you need friends to confide in the most, even if it isn't an abusive situation. I can't imagine having close friends, but not be comfortable sharing what is going on in my life with them, good and bad. What's the point of just having superficial, surface-only friends?

Player001 · 14/11/2022 08:20

How dare she care about you! That's just not on.

Naunet · 14/11/2022 08:33

anexcellentwoman · 14/11/2022 08:15

How would you feel if your husband had confided in his best friend and you knew the friend kept asking for updates on your relationship. It does seem that a lot of female posters confide in friends and family ( Mum, sister etc) but object when their husband does the same thing and confides in his mother or his friends.
I think it is always best to be discreet and loyal unless you need support to escape an abusive relationship.

Wow, the Poor Menz posters manage a “if this was the other way around…” post even when completely irrelevant 😂

Men thank you for your service. 🎖

Original poster

Notlivinglife · 14/11/2022 09:52

Thank you all for your responses. I do value her friendship very much and no she's definitely not in to my husband. She has her own hubby and very happy by all accounts. I guess on reflection and reading your responses she is just genuinely concerned for me and my well-being. I should be less suspicious and more open to talking about my feelings.

OP posts:

Gumreduction · 14/11/2022 09:56

How long has she been “blanking” your message?

Gumreduction · 14/11/2022 10:00

Notlivinglife · 14/11/2022 09:52

Thank you all for your responses. I do value her friendship very much and no she's definitely not in to my husband. She has her own hubby and very happy by all accounts. I guess on reflection and reading your responses she is just genuinely concerned for me and my well-being. I should be less suspicious and more open to talking about my feelings.

You value her friendship very much

and yet in op you say you are “fed up”, “really annoyed”, think she’s been gossiping and “bored” of it