Hello MN
My husband is a nice man, he is a hard worker and family is important to him (we don't have children).
Over the past two years, I've grown apart from my husband. I think we've had sex 4 times in this time. I don't like him touching me. He is a good looking man but I'm not attracted to him. I told him 3 months ago I wasn't happy and he agreed. I asked him to move out and he didn't. And since then, we have bickered. I think he is very grumpy and we are different people. I have found i have a short fuse with him as little things have started to annoy me, I.e cracking his knuckles, the way he eats etc.
I now don't want to undress infront of him and his comments about how I look make me cringe. I know this isn't very nice but I am being honest.
He started a new job 5 months ago and has been very stressed and since our chat has said he is feeling depressed with his new job, and now with our marriage problems.
We have spoke to a Councillor and it ended up a shouting match, we only went 5 weeks. I said to the Councillor I was going to decide next weekend if I wanted to stay in the marriage as we can't keep going round in circles.
Me and husband arrange a date night for this deciding weekend. I get home late from work (communicated this to him) and when I got home, he hadn't got dressed or walked our dog. I told him I was ready to go, as I was dressed nice for work anyway. He told me he'd walk our dog then we would go out.
30 minutes went past and I could hear him watching videos on his phone.. I had enough and took our dog a walk myself, came back 40 minutes later and he didn't realise I had gone. I asked him if he remembered what I said at councilling and he said yes, that this was the deciding weekend and I felt hurt.
He has managed to go out, three times, this week with friends. He has been running late to these things, probably depression but he still manages to go out. He has told me our house makes him depressed and he is ashamed of the mess too (which hurt me too). I said we should seperate, we are two very different people. He reluctantly agreed.
Today, he told me he would move out on Thursday and said he is still wild about me and he is very sorry for Friday. I said sorry too. I got really upset when discussing our dog and he got upset that I was not upset about us. We spoke about what would happen with the house etc. I did cry at parts, I didn't ever imagine we would ever end.
However, on my way to my dads tonight, I couldn't stop crying in the car. Perhaps it's because I've bottled it up, not told anyone about it. However, I worry this is regret - is it? I can't see what would change if we didn't break up, I love him but not in love with him.
Has anyone else felt similar? Did you get upset during the process or am I regretting this?
Thank you x