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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Nursing home bully

5 replies

Yummymummy2020 · 13/11/2022 18:36

Kind of light hearted kind of serious but I was visiting a relative in a nursing home today, I go a lot, and there is a really mean lady that sits in the communal area with her friend just being really unpleasant passing rude comments on everyone’s appearance and visitors ect. I am totally aware I don’t know her medical history, although she is seemingly of sound mind from what I have seen, the staff often mention how unpleasant she is, which although unprofessional in a way is understandable too given she is mean to them too. My question is really, is it completely unreasonable to answer her back when her rudeness is directed at me, or is this something that should be ignored given she is a resident of the home and perhaps does have mental issues that I’m unaware of. Basically she comments on peoples clothes, on the fact nobody should be allowed visitors(I have never seen her with one so I guess that might be some of the issue with her) And also is racist and insults some of the disabled residents. Today she said nobody disabled should be allowed to leave their room and she does not want to be looking at them. I guess on one hand it is a nursing home and you have to be tolerant but she also seems to be a bit of a brat😂

OP posts:
TiddlesTheTiger · 13/11/2022 18:39

I can't see any good outcome from you answering her. Best just to ignore, as you have done.
If she's asking you to agree with her racist etc comment, maybe just say "No, I don't think that."

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/11/2022 18:40

You need to tell the manager. Don’t try and deal with it yourself.

A long time ago I worked in a care home and one of the women was a complete monster. She was incredibly racist and abusive to the staff and used to pinch the residents who couldn’t complain. She was horrific and was told to leave. Took a little while and we had to watch her like a hawk. Sure she had issues but the other residents had to be protected from her.

HappyHamsters · 13/11/2022 18:41

Just ignore her, move away as far as possible, she may have health issues or could just be a bitter old bat.

Yummymummy2020 · 13/11/2022 20:42

Thanks everyone. All very good advice!

OP posts:
Winterscomingagain · 14/11/2022 01:10

I've a young relative in a nursing home and she has quite severe brain damage as a result of a neurological disorder.She does quite a few of the things you mention and it can be really difficult. Fortunately a few of the relatives have befriended her and seem to have some understanding of her illness.

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