To be a little disappointed about friend and meeting up

[Cheeseboards]

I worked with someone for a couple of years and she became a good friend who really helped me.
I left the job and then she did eventually, but she lives halfway across the world. We kept in touch though.
Lo and behold, we are now holidaying here. I told her over a month ago that we'd be coming on these dates, and she said she'd be available.
So we get here and I message her saying we're here for the week and when would be best for her.
However she just replies, 'i'll have to see, I'm a bit busy this week, but enjoy your trip!"

I know she doesn't have young children, mobility issues or anything. I'm a bit disappointed she couldn't carve out any time at all, even though she had over a month's notice.
Maybe an emergency came up but she just sounded very nonchalant.
It's just people I guess. We won't be back here anytime soon as it's very far away and expensive. Would you be disappointed?

Haven't seen her in 4 years and this was a chance to see each other, but never mind

I’d be disappointed. And realise the friendship really doesn’t exist anymore. Then move on and Anjou my holiday

Maybe she wasn't that interested about meeting in the first place and just pretended she was, ah well

Sometimes things crop up though, she might be financially tight or have other unexpected obligations this week. You didn't make any solid plans with her yourself for her to keep her diary free or book annual leave from work. I live in a trendy part of Bristol and am not always free when my friends visit

I had this once. The previous year a mutual friend had visited and stayed with her, she took her to tourist sights, met all the family etc etc. She complained a bit to me at the time as the mutual friend was quite demanding.

I offered to drive to see her for a few hours from where I was staying - to be a more casual thing. Literally was looking for a meal together sort of thing - being particularly mindful of the mutual friend experience.

She said yes at the time. Fast forward to when I was in the country and she said she was busy but not to worry and enjoy my holiday. I was devastated at the time. I'd travelled thousands of miles and only wanted a couple of hours. I was still making the effort as I would have had to go out of my way to drive to see her etc.

I realised then that the friendship was one sided. She just wasn't bothered and there was nothing I could do.

Hard lesson but I've also had friends who have rearranged their schedules so they could spent time with me so it's a case of, if they want to, they will. 🤷

Being honest I would say that a work colleague for just a couple of years isnt necessarily going to be a close a friend as you thought and they probably meant more to you then you did to them. You also haven’t seen each other in 4 years and are unlikely to again soon. Therefore you probably just aren’t priority for her to see.

she became a good friend who really helped me.

I'd say that you don't have the same view on what the friendship represents. She may think that you're an ex colleague that she hasn't seen for years that lives half way round the world now.

It's possible that she doesn't have the energy to invest in a visit with your family at the moment, even people without young children and mobility issues aren't necessarily sitting waiting to leap into action when you shout I"M BAAACK!

Take the hint, stay in touch if you want to but I'd say this is a pen pal more than anything more.

She might just not be feeling very sociable at the minute. I have periods like this and even though I have something arranged that has been arranged for a while, I would put it off if I could. I appreciate that this may be unfair to other people involved in the meet up but it's not intentional. As long as you aren't out of pocket in anyway from the trip then it's worth just putting it down to experience and enjoying your holiday. I would wait for her to arrange to next meet up and if she doesn't then she doesn't want to continue the friendship.