Sperm donation

[BlondeWaves]

Posted a couple of times about loneliness, not being able tk find a partner and wanting to have another child. Every time it's been suggested that I look at sperm donation. Part of me just tells me I couldn't go there and that it's unethical, but I don't really know why. I've watched a couple of documentaries on it where it has screwed people up not being able to know much about their biological father (if that's the right term? Father seems too personal), until they're 18. It would feel a bit self indulgent considering I already have a child and have no fertility issues. I'm in no way trying to offend anyone who has been down this route, and am more of the mindset that I could do with talking my through before I put the idea to bed completely. AIBU to be so put off by the idea because of the potential impact on the child?

Well, you'd get offered counselling if you went through a registered clinic, so that might be useful? But nothing wrong with wanting to talk through it.

FWIW my DD was conceived with donor sperm. She's 5 and we've always talked to her about it, made her aware she has a biological father out there, and let her know that she may be able to contact him when she's older, if he's still alive. We know from his letter that he wouldn't mind being contacted, so that is fine.

My sense (and we read up on it a lot) is that the damage to children is done when their origins come as a shock - eg., when a child doesn't know they were conceived with donor sperm, or when they think their biological dad is someone else, or when it's all revealed in a sudden way (I know someone who was sat down by her adoptive parents aged 12 and told she was adopted, and it was really upsetting to her - I would guess that is similar).

I don't think there's a right or a wrong decision, though.

Thanks for that. Yes thinking back now I don't think anyone in the docs I watched knew their history until they were in their teens which would make the world of difference.

We used a sperm donor to have dd. She has always had the two of us as her parents, so there isn't a gap where a dad should be, she doesn't feel abandoned or feel any parental loss.
She's 16 now and although she'd be interested to know about any siblings from her donor, she's not overly interested in the donor himself. He donated anonymously anyway. She can always apply to the Donor Conception Network to find out about siblings. She's never felt less than due to being a donor baby, we've regaled her with stories about everything we had to go through to have her. I know she feels very wanted and loved. We had no way to have a child apart from using donor sperm.

And yes just to add we always told dd how she came about! By the time she had sex Ed at school she took great delight in explaining the finer details with her classmates!
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