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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you perform personal care in your profession..

70 replies

PennyDeadful · 12/11/2022 20:52

Hi everyone,

Sorry to post in AIBU but it's a little bit for traffic and partly because I didn't know where else to ask

Basically my question is can you get used to doing personal care specifically the toilet aspect of it or is it something you have to already be able to do?

I'm asking because I'm doing a mental health nursing degree next year and the first year is learning all aspects of nursing including personal care which I didn't realise - I'm fully prepared to do it as it's a profession I really want to do however I have a very weak stomach even changing my toddlers nappy can be a challenge and realistically I know it's just well poo, a normal human bodily function but my gag reflex is a bit harder to convince.

I've googled it but nothing is really coming up so I thought on here they'd be nurses, carers and others who have experienced giving personal care that can offer some advice.

I am fully prepared to be told to get a grip which I know I need to do but would just like to hear people's experience.

Also I know personal care isn't all carers and nurses do but it's the aspect I'm most worried about which is why I'm asking.

Thank you

OP posts:
shivawn · 12/11/2022 20:54

You can get used to it to an extent but if you're gagging changing your toddler's nappy then you'll probably really struggle.

Tulipvase · 12/11/2022 20:55

I’m a TA and do personal care when it’s needed. But that’s children, not sure I would want to work with adults.

I think you can probably can get used to it though.

TabithaTittlemouse · 12/11/2022 20:57

I do (I’m an RMN) but everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.
You won’t be dealing with personal care on every placement or future role so can choose your future employment accordingly.

Remember that it’s not nice for the person that you are supporting either and that One day you, your parents, your siblings may need personal care.

You’ve got this.

MsMD · 12/11/2022 20:57

I've been a doctor for a good few years and watching other people vomit still makes me gag and try really hard not to vomit! I can't deal with it but luckily don't see it in my work too much now.

Training will be harder but when you qualify choose an area where much bodily care isn't expected!

XenoBitch · 12/11/2022 20:58

Not a MH nurse, but I trained as an ODP.
We did a mock/role play type thing on each other regarding personal care. Fully clothed, but pretending to wipe bums sort of thing.
On placement, I had a patient with dementia who came round from an op, crapped himself, and kicked and smeared it everywhere. The nurse I was with tore strips off me for being clueless and not knowing what to do.

Cantchooseaname · 12/11/2022 20:58

You do get used to it. Do you know what causes you an issue? Is it the smell? Some Vicks vapour rub under nostrils can mask a lot.
remember you will be wearing gloves etc (which I assume you don’t with your own child)- it adds a layer of distance.
ultimately I think about how I would feel, and try and work from there.

Queenfreak · 12/11/2022 21:01

I work as a PA, and a carer for children with complex medical needs.
I have had absolutely no issues with anything toileting related, however when being trained on pegs, trachy care and stoma care I have come about all faint each time and been unable to continue the first time.
Second time I've pushed through it, and within a few changes I've not had a problem at all.
I'm trying to say that it may be awful the first few times, but it will become second nature. If its the smell then a tiny touch of vapour rub under your nose will help. Tiny tiny bit though, and wash your hands afterwards!!!!

Cats23 · 12/11/2022 21:02

In the 10 yrs i was a carer, I was lucky to not deal with vomit- This for me, I knew I couldnt deal with, luckily we were always with another carer.
I could'nt deal with phelem or cleaning dentures either.
Toileting fine though!
I'd say, put a tiny bit of Vix rub under your nose for a while and you will get used to the smell of bodily issues.
If you really can't deal with it though, nursing isn't for you.

Dinneronmybfpillow · 12/11/2022 21:02

RMN here too. You will be exposed to ALL bodily fluids, not just urine/faeces.

AllAboutMargot · 12/11/2022 21:02

I did elderly care which often involved emptying commodes. I'm not proud to say that often I barely made it to the bathroom before gagging -the odour was vile. It wasn't the reason I left the job but it made me realise it wasn't for me.

Oysterbabe · 12/11/2022 21:04

I'd struggle with it I think and changing my own child's nappy was no problem at all.

TerrysGotPeeves · 12/11/2022 21:07

I got used to it very quickly. Working with elderly adults. It honestly didn't bother me at all, other than making sure that I treated my residents with respect and dignity while providing intimate care. It becomes the norm in a very short time.

However, if you really have that weak a stomach, I'd urge you to consider if this is the right line of work for you, or at least work on toughening up re body fluids (I say that with kindness). I've been bled, urinated, vomited, defecated and spat on. I always brought a full change of underwear in my bag after someone vomited directly into my lap, which completely soaked through my scrubs and knickers. It's such a rewarding job though, it's worth it.

PottyDottyDotPot · 12/11/2022 21:07

I’ve worked as a care assistant in the community and in a care home and have always been fine dealing with all aspects of personal care. I genuinely feel a lot of satisfaction when I’ve helped somebody to be clean and comfortable.

Original poster
PennyDeadful · 12/11/2022 21:10

Vix rub is genius! Thank you - it really is just the smell, I don't know why other bodily fluids don't bother me really it's just the smell

I understand saying nursing might not be for me but with RMN there's so many avenues you can take with it and avoid personal care completely but it's something I really want to do and I'm willing to do but like others have mentioned I don't want to upset my patient by gagging or anything as it's not nice for them which I completely understand and I really just want to look after them best I can.

OP posts:
Ilovealido · 12/11/2022 21:11

I’ve done quite a lot of personal care as a residential support worker & then later in my role as an occupational therapist. I do think you get used to it to an extent & become desensitised. Like a pp said it can be helpful to think about how hard it is for the person you are caring for. My desire to ensure they had dignity meant I could override some more uncomfortable feelings. I worked a lot with people with dementia & they were often really self conscious so I just wanted them to feel comfortable.

iolaus · 12/11/2022 21:11

Yes, I'm a midwife (and worked as a NA during my training) after the first time or so it's not that bad

I wipe my own bum without a problem, and fairly sure you do too - in work you have gloves on

The smell of melena is vile though

BayCityTrollers · 12/11/2022 21:11

I think you need to be aware that it is likely to form part of your job as an RMN to deal with bodily fluids, not just during training. Unless you go straight into community work, I guess.

I do think you can adjust to it. I have a colleague with a weak gag reflex and she manages….mostly! Even in working age acute mental health, you will find yourself supporting people who have been unwell, deliberately smeared faeces, those that have physical disability which means they need support. I had a patient once who smeared faeces all over herself and needed support.

On top of that you have vomit, blood, saliva from patients of all ages. I won’t even speak about semen. I spent most of my career on a women’s ward and now elderly care so don’t often deal with that!

I’ve only gagged once and that was a really grim situation with faeces. Managed to keep going though.

Janbohonut · 12/11/2022 21:13

Please don't put graphic details on here about what you deal with - lots of weirdos love a good poo thread!

Original poster
PennyDeadful · 12/11/2022 21:17

Janbohonut · 12/11/2022 21:13

Please don't put graphic details on here about what you deal with - lots of weirdos love a good poo thread!

Really? Confused

OP posts:
Dinneronmybfpillow · 12/11/2022 21:21

Unless you go straight into community work, I guess.

I wouldn't say this excludes the possibility in my experience as a CMHN.

bloodywhitecat · 12/11/2022 21:22

I find everyone has the thing they can't do, mine is emptying suction canisters. I can do urine, faeces, vomit, blood etc, I can empty stoma bags and all that but snot really gets me. When I worked in a team we all knew what the other found difficult and worked as a team.

POTC · 12/11/2022 21:22

You get used to it a bit but you also learn techniques to help. My issue was vomit. Earplugs to stop me hearing the wrenching noise as badly and vicks under the nose to block the smell really helped!
It won't necessarily be a huge issue as a mental health nurse though, I worked on two different mh units during covid, the dementia/elderly care unit involved personal care for the majority of patients every night sometimes several times a night for the same person but the more general admissions unit I worked on for 6 weeks and wasn't required to do personal care once.

Doobydoo · 12/11/2022 21:23

I have performed personal care on ages 0 to 102. I think what pp have said. You think about how it must be for the person. Somehow you will probably find you get on with it at the time..it can be afterwards you might feel sick etc. Phlegm is my worst thing ever!

Farmageddon · 12/11/2022 21:27

OP, I don't work in this area, but am currently helping to care for my elderly father who has dementia so have to do this regularly, including helping him into and out of the bath, and yes helping him go to the toilet and wipe him afterwards. Not something I have any training for or experience of (I don't have kids either so no real nappy changing experience for me).

To be honest, you just kind of get on with it. Yes, it's unpleasant but try to zone out and just focus on making the person comfortable and clean and know that you are treating them with dignity when they are distressed and vulnerable. They probably find it more distressing than you. I'm actually grateful at those times that my father doesn't recognise me as his daughter anymore, or he would be mortified.

I know it doesn't seem like it now but I'm sure you will just get used to it and it will become another part of your job. Your colleagues will likely be going through the same.

Actually I find the emotional part more difficult than the messy/ gross stuff - that you can clean up!

cheapskatemum · 12/11/2022 21:42

Support worker for young people with disabilities here. I've done personal care for adults too as an agency care worker. DS2 has SLD and needs assistance with personal care after bowel movements too - he's in his 20s. It's never been a problem for me - any of it.

Vomit, on the other hand, I struggle much more with. A young person I currently work with talks about being sick when he's heightened and I even have to cut those conversations short! Obviously I do help him clean up, when he has been sick, but I'm stopping myself from gagging. Thankfully, it's a rare occurrence. I don't know whether it would be more prevalent as a nurse.