Christmas

[ineedafairygodmother]

I'll try not to make this long.... basically my partner and my family do not get along, there's no need to go into details as it's not relevant to my post.
my family want nothing to do with him (which I accept and respect) however they acknowledge that I'm a big girl and can make my own choices (although they don't agree, they accept and respect to a degree)
Myself and partner have a DC. We don't live together at the moment however see each other frequently and will stay over.
I've told my family that I will be spending Christmas Day with partner and DC however they want me and DC to spend Christmas Day with them, or see partner on Christmas morning and then to go to them at lunchtime with DC. My decision has been met with 'disappointment' and I've been told I'm putting partner first and family second but I'm putting DC first so that she can spend Christmas with both parents.

AIBU to want to spend Christmas with my partner and DC?

Haha you can be as nosy as you want to try, however past mistakes are still irrelevant.
100% the behaviours would not lead to anything traumatic for myself or DC, I wouldn't put myself or DC in that situation or any situation that could lead DC to any form of harm.
Celebrations like Christmas and birthdays certainly throw family dynamics into the spotlight.

If your parents really wanted to see you and your child on Christmas Day, they would suck it up and spend it with your partner too, your child's dad shouldn't have to spend Christmas without his child so your parents can have everything their own way! Why are so many parents like this with their adult children???

YANBU tell them you're spending it at home and they're more than welcome to join you if they can put their pride behind them for one day.

Way too many variables for anyone to say if they’re being unreasonable or not.

For example, if his “crime” was that he messed up at work and lost his job and you ended up in debt…yeah it’s none of their business and they need to let you get on with making your own decisions and should be forgiving him so that you can all spend time together as a wider family.

However if he put you and your son in danger or risked your financial security by getting involved in drugs/crime or he frittered away your grandparents’ inheritance on gambling etc then I can fully understand why they’d feel it was harder to forgive. Even more so if they’re expected to take on childcare or help you out to pick up the slack caused by him not living with you. In that case I’d be more sympathetic to their viewpoint.

It’s really challenging to comment here.

I would say it depends on your partners behaviour. For example, my ex boyfriend’s Dad was a convicted sex offender, whose wife stood by him. She was given the choice to come to us alone or not at all on Christmas Day because it was all too traumatic for anybody. I’m hoping that this isn’t the position you are in for your child’s sake.

If he had an affair previously, obviously your parents are probably feeling hurt. But if you have both worked this through then it is really none of their concern.

so yeah... too many variables. You may have to give some more information to gain some better suggestions.

I hope all works well for you.