Is my husband doing too much in the house?

[Hottubby]

I am the main bread winner. I work 6 days a week most weeks, often 12+ hour days.
DH works for himself, never on a weekend and rarely puts in a full 8 hour day. He does all the washing and ironing, washing up and most of the DC sports. We both do a bit of cleaning and food shopping. He does not meal plan or buy food for meals (only ever pizzas/stuff he can shove in the oven) but will cook a mindful chef meal.
I do all of the life admin, he has no input whatsoever into any of it.
I have been working today. I’m exhausted. He went to the supermarket after sports this morning to buy kids lunch (always quick and easy- I.e meal deal) after sports this morning and then on to his own hobby this afternoon.
He thinks I’m an utter arse for thinking he could have picked up something for tea that I can at least cook after work, we have no food in the house.
I am exhausted and resentful and not thinking clearly.
AIBU? Are our roles fair?

You’re not unreasonable to think that he could have thought ahead but it sounds like you both need to have a chat about meal planning, who does what and when. It’s a chore whoever does it but at least if you’re planning ahead it makes it easier for whoever cooks.

This just sounds like one of these things that needs sorting in a more general level.

An online shop, more mindful chef boxes, a chat about the weekends good etc.

You both do a lot. Just talk this through and test out some potential solutions. Have a chippy tea tonight.

DH works for himself, never on a weekend and rarely puts in a full 8 hour day.
This is very vague. There’s a huge difference between say 9-4 every weekday and only working 2 mornings a week. It’s impossible to comment really when you haven’t been clear about how much time he actually has.

However, it’s really obvious that the main issue is that you work too much. 12+ hours a day, 6 days a week is insane and I know I’d be pissed off if I was expected to pick up the slack for that. You’re not wrong, of course he could have bought something for dinner when he was in the supermarket anyway, but he’s probably exhausted and resentful too.

I agree pp more info is needed. I wouldn’t be happy with a partner working 12 hours, 6 days a week. I’d rather have smaller house, cheaper lifestyle etc

Sounds like food is a bit of an issue, so would look to organise (not you specifically) a weekly online shop and / or mindful chef to make this bit easier.

We had this yesterday but not with my husband. I have a mother and son (16) staying with us, been here over 7 months. No one but me and my husband seems to be able to use a hoover or wash a floor (we both work 11 to 12 hour day - WFH in very demanding, high pressure roles). I am sick of it. I took the day off yesterday and spent the day cleaning. Completely lost my rag. Our guests have naps during the day. I will have a heart attack.

What do you mean never a full 8 hour day, how many hours does he do? It does read like you’re trying to minimise so responses gp your way, which makes me think you might be an arse.

It sounds like you both think the other has loads more time to themselves and are starting to resent each other.

When do you actually spend time together?

Wrong thread, sorry!

Didn’t you post this before ?

Fill your freezer with some Cook meals for such occasions. And salmon and chicken fillets. Plus ftozen peas.
Surely you have dry pasta and jar of pesto or rice for a quick meal?
Stock your cupboards.

Our guests have naps during the day. I will have a heart attack.

get rid, guests aren't "guests" at 8 months, you're living together?!

I guess you’re deliberately being vague on the amount of hours he works because he might be close to working full time based on that description and he does work at home and also deals with the kids. I don’t blame him for getting himself an easy lunch. If you want to cook, simply nip into the shop and buy what you want or do an online shop for things you need to cook as you seem to have time to come online to mumsnet.
It does not have to always be a competition of who is hard done by or who does more than the other

If I was going to the shop for something and knew there was no food in, I'd definitely get something for my husband if he was coming home after a 12 hour shift. It's bloody selfish not to.

Or her husband, who was IN A SHOP, could pick her up some dinner for when she gets back from her 12 hour shift.

Why do so many people have such low bars for men?!

The main point here is do you both have the same amount of down time? That is the key. Do you have less time? Work that out first and then sort out expectations and chores from there

Have you really got nothing?
Fried eggs and oven chips.
Pasta with tuna and cheese.

If not then you'll either have to shop or get a take away.

Just seen the date.
All done now.
As you were.

Or her husband, who was IN A SHOP, could pick her up some dinner for when she gets back from her 12 hour shift.

Presumably there would have been some kind of food in the house (even though OP says there's not because it's rare to have a kitchen with absolutely no food in at all), and the OP reads like she moaned at him after the fact for not buying food she didn't actually ask him to buy. He probably expected her to use food they already have in.

Sounds like you married a man child, sorry but you need to have a frank conversation on how to divvy things up or split as it will only get worse.

Deliveroo?

Why do you not do an online shop for the week and tell him what to cook for dinner each evening. X

Why are you working so much?