Brca2 fault - haven't contacted all relatives

[2greenroses]

I found out last month I have a fault in my Brca2 gene. I am non -contact with various violent and criminal relatives, they have not been violent specifically to me, but 3 have been convicted and served time at various stages, other relatives have been deeply unpleasant. I am a single mum, brought my sons up entirely alone without support. I took the decision when my first twin boys were born, 30 years ago, not to have any further contact with my family, as I didn't want my sons to grow up entangled with them. 10 years later, I had another baby, also boy.

Now I have younger sisters, brothers, cousins, etc, and they need to know about this Brca2, but what can I do? I've tried face book, emails, asking mutual contacts to pass messages on, but I haven't heard back whether anyone has received my messages. I don't actually know who has married, or has children, contact has been miniscule, for decades.

I could go back to my home town and look for them, but the window for doing so is very tight, I am about to have major surgery, followed by chemo, so don't think I could travel then, and am not keen to travel now.

Also, I don't want to. I don't want to involve my sons in this, and I don't want to go alone, and I want to stay home and enjoy what could be my last week of normalish life, I am already not feeling great

I don't know if I have done enough. I hope you think I have, and can put my mind at rest - I am prepared to hear alternative view points

Sounds to me like you've tried, this is so not the moment for you to be spending your time and emotional energy trying to physically hunt them.

Let it go.
Don't think about it for , say ,a year, and then see where you are then, and how you feel.

Warm wishes , look after yourself, hope your treatment goes well.

You have done more than enough. Focus on yourself and your lovely children now. Wishing you all the best.

I think if you’ve tried to message than that’s all you can do. You’ve tried.

now, please put this to the back of your mind and focus on your recovery.

good luck with the op and chemo

I also say you've done more than enough. You don't need to take personal responsibility for this. The NHS could track them down if they felt it was warranted. Wishing you all the best for your treatment

I have a different genetic mutation - Lynch Syndrome - which elevates my bowel cancer risk, and was found after a different cancer diagnosis. It's not known which side of my family the mutation comes from and I'm NC with a whole side. At my genetics counselling appt I was concerned about telling them but the counsellor told me that I could only do what I can do, and for me that meant not upsetting the apple cart by contacting them.

It sounds like you've done as much as you can. You now need focus on your treatment and recovery and not give something that you can't control any headspace.

Thank you so much for your kind words - its really helpful