I need to moan about MIL ...

[ghosty]

I don't often moan about her. I have sweated blood over the last 14 years to build a 'good' relationship with her. I tell people she is OK, just a bit different and slightly odd ... but that we get on well and I have respect for her etc ...
But right now I hate her.
I need a moan to get it off my chest.
She isn't like some proper nightmare MILs ... she doesn't interfere with how DH and I bring up the children, she wasn't a pain when I was pregnant, she didn't comment on our choice of names etc etc ...
In fact her indifference has been remarkable. She has been financially generous (so she has us over a barrel really) so we can't complain but ...
I am fed up with having to go there and buy our own food for one thing. This year, on Christmas eve we had to go and buy everything from Christmas crackers to biscuits and nibbles for Christmas day - she invited us to come and stay and then didn't proved any food for our 6 day stay.
Then, I got it in the neck for not sending 'Thank you' cards quick enough after we came home. Despite the fact that she knew that I have had a tough week (my Dad isn't well). So avoiding the temptation to write "Thanks for not feeding us" in the card it was duly sent off. I resented having to thank her for making me feel totally unwelcome in her house, for making me feel in her way when trying to feed my own children. I had to ask EVERY single meal time if I could use the kitchen. She would say, "What, do they need to eat AGAIN?"
I am amazed DH and his sister made it to adulthood to be honest but it does not surprise me at all that DH is a foodie and spends many a weekend cooking up a storm - to make up for the cold meat and lettuce he grew up with before she sent him off to boarding school
What pisses me off is that she thinks she is a good mother and a good grandmother and we all have to congratulate her on that. FFS. She phoned today to ask how 'The Birthday Girl' was. I told her that DD was fine and looking forward to Sunday (her 4th birthday).
"Really? Sunday? Are you sure?"
Of course I am fucking sure you stupid old bat ... I gave birth to her didn't I?
"Yes, (ha ha ha, tinkle of 'you're so funny' laughter) it's on Sunday granny"
"Oh, why did I have it down for the 30th then"
I don't know, because you are a cold hearted mean old witch?
"I have no idea J-," (more tinkly indulgent laughter from me [grrr])
"Oh well, I'll phone back on Sunday then, bye"

No mention of my dad, or how he was, or how I was feeling about it all ...

I hate her sometimes

Saltire

Ghosty

My MOL insisted we went to my POLs for Christmas Eve dinner (Christmas Eve dinner being the Christmas meal here in France) and then served us:

• champagne
• smoked salmon, blinis, cream
• foie gras and baked potatoes
• the richest chocolate log going

So - she hadn't cooked anything (save the baked potatoes, big deal), she basically served a picnic and she didn't serve a single vegetable, salad or fruit (so we were all constipated all Christmas Day) - and she wonders why we don't like going round for meals?

Oh, and when she comes to lunch/dinner with us, she barely touches the food "because it's too fattening" (ie I put butter on the carrots... milk in the mashed potatoes...)

OMG smoked salmon? Foie Gras? Chocolate cake? You poor poor things. No wonder you don't like to go!

Can we swap Anna?
Your MIL's dinner sounds like a feast. I would have been happy with that ...

I must be the only person I know that actually lost weight over the Christmas period. I give a hollow laugh when people talk about needing to diet because of all the mince pies they at over Christmas. The really low point was when she ran out of bbq meat so she bought these awful 'cocktail' sausages they have in NZ ... totally processed unrecognisable meat in a bright toxic red skin (bit of a kids' party food favourite there). I would never normally touch them but DH and I both fell on to them like they were gourmet handmade by Jamie Oliver himself, all lip smacking and yum yum ... we ended up bickering over who had the last one [puke]

sparkybabe - there's nothing wrong with any of those things individually as part of a balanced meal... but just, them all together - totally vomit inducing / unhealthy.

When we go to stay with mil we also have to buy all the food, and then we have to cook it for us and her. Also, we get told off if we don't do the washing up afterwards.

Once dh asked if she could do the cooking as we were meant to be enjoying a family break and she got very arsy and point blank said no.

When she comes to our house we still provide food and do all the catering, but she always turns up with gifts for the kids so it seems churlish to be sniffy about it.

Yes, MMJ ... she probably does. I think they all do. DH's dad has had 3 wives ... (MIL is #2) - they are all totally barking ...
I can avoid #1 wife but have to be nice to DH's barmy half brother (he does have fab nieces though)
#2 wife is MIL
Sadly #3 wife is actually the complete and utter nutter ... MIL looks very sane next to her.

Anna there was an article in the paper yestereday about the £1000 per head meal - foie gras, lobster, wagyu beef, choc fondant and cream etc. I have to say I read it and felt sick, I thinks it's obscene and a recipe for diabetes.
However once a year at christmas, I don't think a bit of foie gras and smoked salmon are that bad.

Can I throw my MiL into the thread please? She last invited us round for xmas lunch in circa 1988. She fed us (DD was aged 2) frozen pizza done in the microwave

my MIL does bring her own oats for breakfast, I'm a bit mean. This time she came she used us as a hotel to stay over before catching a flight, she left the porridge on her way out and then when the came back (5am!) the next morning I said we'd run out

tee hee we hadn't really - i did produce it in the end of course I just enjoyed that moment.. they'd gone by lunchtime spent no time with dd just told us all about their cruise and showed us the photos ..

sparkybabe - I just cannot eat that kind of food all together like that. It's torture for me. My partner neither (he was furious with his mother). We just find it gross.

I need meat/fish, vegetables, salad etc.

When we go to stay with my POLs in Deauville in the summer it's the same story - MOL cannot be bothered to cater (she never cooks herself, btw, she gets a woman in to cater/serve...) and takes us out to restaurants for every meal. I cannot stand it.

Mind you my mum did a meat fondue one year for xmas and invited an old lady she'd befriended, didn't explain anything and the old lady started tucking into a plate of raw meat when it had been served, I was really impressed with how polite she was.

She's barking, ghosty, I thought mine was bad.

She arrived once for dinner and barked (aptly) "What are we eating?"
"Stroganoff with noodles, salad ..."
Mil: "No. I've been fasting for a week, I will eat potatoes and steamed vegetables."
Me: (lying out of annoyance at tone and content and why couldn't she have mentioned it on the phone?) "Oh, I don't have any potatoes or veg, that's why we're having noodles and salad."

She sat at the table for the meal drinking water in a martyred fashion and then I brought out - was so pleased as I never have cakes after a meal but ds2 wanted to make one - a squidgy chocolate log, a huge glistening roulade of choc sponge & cream.
Her face was a joy to behold.

To dh (I'd obv become invisible) "Oh, well, seeing as you've gone to all that trouble..." She had 2 huge slices, wouldn't look me in the eye at all or address me for the rest of the evening and I took particular pleasure in being so polite and chatty with her.

Took me about 10 yrs but I'm immune to her now - wish the same for you. It's crap.

ghosty the meal where dn got slapped and the glasses were slammed so hard on the table the stems snapped (plastic glasses of course) was the first time I met MIL !

Sorry Anna, I am struggling to feel sympathy for you here ... I'd quit while I was ahead if I were you ....

Only joking ... I can see that it would be nice for your MIL to cook for you. But I would be happy to go to restaurants everyday at my MIL's ...
We were there for 5 days and we had ham or bbq and lettuce EVERY night ... When I suggested I cooked some pasta for a change she jumped down my throat and told me that no one needed pasta in the summer ...

rebel ... I think my MIL and your MIL were separated at birth ... pmsl ...
I have been immune to it in the past but the phone call about DD's birthday really got to me today (and the failure to mention my Dad )

OK so you like being forced into making a complete pig of yourself? I cannot take it... I'd rather be served nothing . I can survive much more easily on the odd banana and a piece of bread than on too much rich food.

Oh and maybe they are triplets together with finknottle's MIL?

LOL Anna ... MIL eats oranges. That is all.
Except when I bought a box of cadbury's favourites of course ... that disappeared in about 10 minutes

MMJ - we don't get consulted on the choice of restaurant (so they are often completely unsuitable for children) and often we are instructed what to eat ie "We are going to so and so restaurant to eat XYZ which is their speciality".

Control freakery, anyone?