I feel like I’m losing my mind!
Context:
I am not working (disabled dc) but am doing a full time integrated masters degree in a stem subject. It’s very time intensive and I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to manage it with dc, but really wanted to improve our situation. I’m doing well and am currently on track for a first.
DH is also currently not working. He was very supportive of me doing the degree as it would greatly improve my earning potential. He said that he would handle the majority of the housework/dc.
The problem is, he isn’t. If his mum or someone is visiting he will do a quick surface clean maybe. He makes out to his family that he is rushing about all the time. And does the odd load of washing when the basket is overflowing. The clothes then usually end up in damp, still stained piles around the house. He does no D.I.Y, or any of the other hundreds of jobs that need doing. I’ve just had to empty out and scrub the paddling pool from the summer that he has been promising to do for months. It may sound petty but its really getting me down. I feel that if I don’t do it, nothing gets done. It is a lot of pressure. The dc get left in front of the tv. When I am studying at home he will often spend the whole day napping on the sofa and going on the PlayStation.
I think I’ve been quite patient. I have previously suggested that I could instead go part time, if he is struggling, and we could split the chores 50/50. But he didn’t like that idea and said I was saying he was useless.
Today I just snapped. My elderly mother has taken the dc to their swimming lessons so I can get some work done, she has been taken their uniforms to wash (DH has never got around to driving, and after filling out the forms twice for his provisional only to have him not bother to get a passport photo I refuse to help anymore with that).
The house was a mess. And DH sat playing on his PlayStation. I was trying to concentrate but could feel myself getting worked up. I stopped and started to look for cleaners online when DH came in and spotted what I was doing. He asked if I was taking the piss, started being sarcastic about ‘Oh I do NOTHING do I’ and getting angry.
I shouted at him that I couldn’t cope anymore, that he is lazy and why couldn’t he just admit to not pulling his weight, apologise and start helping. If not that I wanted to hire a cleaner. I asked him to leave and give me some space. He refused and stomped off upstairs saying he couldn’t believe I was ‘starting again’. I was so annoyed I slammed the door shut instead of closing it. He shouted that I was being abusive.
AIBU? Because I don’t feel like it, I do feel fucking furious though. I know MN will hand my arse to me if I’m being out of order.