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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say this is emotional cheating?

4 replies

Lolobella · 12/11/2022 13:33

Hi everyone, NC as I am afraid this post will be outing if combined with my posting history. I am a regular poster.

I have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years. My boyfriend lives in Madrid and I live in Bristol, so we see each other every few weeks. We live in different countries because of our careers and I was hoping to join him in Madrid next year. We are both in our mid 30s.

I have recently discovered that he has been messaging another woman who lives in Madrid. He has been inviting her out to group outings, messaging her to check she got home safely and that it had been great to spend time with her, saying things like he was hoping to see her on a specific night. He sent cute reactions and hearts to her IG stories and posts almost daily. He was always the one who initiated contact. Just to clarify, I discovered this accidentally while I was on his Instagram to look for something else and he got a notification from her which made me suspicious.

I confronted him and he says nothing has happened between them and that he has done nothing wrong. He admits he finds her attractive and that she is single, but he says that he has not cheated on me and that I have no reason to be upset.

I think what he has done is enough to break my trust and I am considering ending our relationship based on this. I feel very hurt, but I am not sure if I am overreacting.

What do you all think? AIBU to end things with him?

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 12/11/2022 13:36

End it. He doesnt respect you.

AdamRyan · 12/11/2022 13:36

YANBU - I don't think he's necessarily cheating but LDRs are so hard and it looks like he is open to something closer to home

Notimeforaname · 12/11/2022 13:37

He's clearly not that invested in you and looks for attention from attractive females.
You can do better.

C1N1C · 12/11/2022 13:41

So a man messaging a single girl with cute emojis and meeting up at GROUP events?

Not a lot to go on...

OK, he could be cheating... or this might be just a friend he is being (maybe slightly) overly friendly to on social media... asking whether she got home OK isn't a bad thing, I've asked and been asked by colleagues!

I think only you can make the call... you could be throwing away a perfectly good relationship on nothing more than a few friendly messages, but you might not be.

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