To leave my job after 20 years?!

[Cakeyface123]

Hi everyone - long thread. Would really appreciate any words of advice.

A bit of background - I love my job (it’s part time/job share) but over the years it has become unbearably stressful. Im on a good wage. I doubt I’ll ever be on this wage again in my life. Recent changes within the team has pushed moral down and stress levels up (for everyone). The environment now feels toxic at work and it doubtful anything will change.

At home things are hard. I have a son with Autism/PDA and ADHD. He does not currently go to school. He displays really challenging behaviour and up until recently work has been quite the respite for me.
Things came to a head two weeks and I had quite an embarrassing breakdown in work. I’ve been off sick since (with stress).

Im now thinking I might leave this job. I’m wondering if it’s time to admit that juggling a stressful job with a child with additional needs is just not possible. Something has to give right?

Im terrified of making this decision and then regretting it. My job is a huge part of who I am and if I leave I might just end up stuck at home with no confidence and no outside life.

But at the same time, I’m the last two weeks I feel like a weight has been lifted (ie not being in work). We can afford to do this financially but we’ll have to really budget carefully and make some cutbacks.

DH is supportive either way. He just wants me to be happy (and better able to cope with DS). Being round DS is exhausting so I’d need to do something on a Friday - when DH works from home. Not sure what I’d do?

Has anyone else been in this position? Does anyone work for just one day a week? I’m wondering whether to do non-clinical bank work with the nhs? Or just some on/off casual work (I quite fancy being an elf in a Christmas grotto over Christmas 🙈😂)

YABU - suck it up and get back in work woman!

YANBU - leave the job and be the elf - money isn’t everything.

I think you can find a job which is less stressful and less hours. Maybe your work place will do that for you. With a child with special needs you need a job which provides some relief from your home life. not aggravates it. Don’t give up searching for that job. Your child will grow up one day and a job also obviously gives you financial security.

I was the same, worked in a job for 27 years, I never slept on a Sunday night, woke up every morning with a feeling of dread, had been on antidepressants for years & had several long periods of sick leave for depression. I got the chance to go under severance due to ill health, it was the best thing I ever did, I got the chance to be a full time mum after missing a lot of the first 6 years of ds life because I was working. If you can afford it, do it, you won't regret it.

I’m sure I read that you think work want you to leave, I think you’re really over burdened and struggling with life and obviously the home work balance is part of this, work has changed and will continue to change due to the field you are in - but 20 years is long service.

I don’t think making any big changes at the minute whilst you’re struggling is the right thing.
Go to the meeting, voice your concerns, see what changes can be made and aim to assess in the new year.

I think your self esteem and mental
health has taken a knock and you are rather seeing the glass half empty right at this point.

Thank you all so much. I feel some of my resolve returning just reading peoples replies.

Not going to make any rash decisions - I’m definitely not in the right frame of mind. But I’m leaning towards taking the plunge and leaving. Some of your comments have really hit home xx