For not calling everyone post birth?

[WhenPidgeonsAttack]

Hi :)

So I gave birth to DC2 5 weeks ago.

About a week ago, my parents called and told me FM1 (family member 1) was annoyed that I had not called them or FM2, to let them know personally that I had baby, DP had messaged them following birth. My parents informed them that I had not really spoken to anyone and have just been in my own little postpartum bubble, and would contact them soon when I'm ready. All seemed fine.

Then a couple of days after that, FM1 spoke to DB and basically started complaining about me, saying how I must hate them and how I'm just done with their side of family because I've not called them.

I've since spoken to FM2 who was fine and understanding that I had just had a baby and was lacking on sleep and just focusing on my little family.

AIBU to be slightly annoyed at FM1 for acting this way? Or am I being overly hormonal?

YANBU.
I called my grandmother and told her to tell that side of the family. I called my aunt and told her to tell the other side of my family. I didn't call anyone else and as far as I'm aware no one complained about it.

I have no idea if DH even told his brother or if he left his mum to tell him 😂

Who is FM1? If it’s someone who you’ve previously been close to and they have been supportive during your pregnancy etc, then it does seem a bit mean not to have at least sent them a couple of baby pictures yourself. If it’s someone in your extended family that you barely see or speak to then they are being unreasonable.

Have they sent baby gifts that they were expecting to be acknowledged or something?

FM1 is someone I speak to maybe 2/3 times a year, not particularly close. Had some issues in the past, they sent me a rather unpleasant message a few years back because they thought I hadn't sent a happy birthday message to their partner (I did, sent a screenshot) no apology for the nasty things they said , just an 'oh I didn't know'

Ffs, do they have no idea what it's like to have a newborn? Why would it be specifically your job to call everyone?

We phoned parents from delivery room. Phoned/messaged siblings/bestest friends - let them all spread the word. A message later on Facebook. Who on earth expects someone who has just given birth to have time or headspace to phone everyone? I can't think of one person who has phoned me to tell me themselves.

This!

I always then text to say congratulations but never expect a quick response as they clearly have other things to focus on. Quite honestly, anyone with this attitude is likely to cause more issues in the future and you might be best off not seeing them!

Surely FM1 should be contacting you to congratulate you. They sound like they have an inflated idea of their own importance. Unless they bought a big present for the baby which you haven't yet thanked them for I would just ignore them. Ask DH and DPs to keep repeating that you are very busy with your newborn until they get the message that everything does not revolve around them.

I have a relative who can be like this at times, especially re claiming a third party is very upset (when invariably they're not) for extra virtue points. Stick to your boundaries and delegate this to others.

They sound unhinged. Are they older and not aware that young people don't use the phone or post nowadays. My 85 year old mother doesn't comprehend that my dc don't often speak on their phones.

Nod and smile op. 28 years ago when our eldest was born dh phoned mother and MIL, the people we were due to see the night before, and my best friend. He mentioned it to our neighbours too. The Bush telegraph did the rest and announcement in The Times and Telegraph.

Whilst I ignore the vomit inducing sentence "focusing on my little family" 🤮🤢 I think they are being daft. Your partner messaged them and that should be sufficient.

Although, if they are close family I'm bit confused why you havent invited them to meet your baby in 5 weeks? I would have called/messaged my family members asking if they wanted to come round and meet their new family member.

Sorry about that 😅
They are extended family, that I don't really see or speak to. Close family have all been to see DC

They are being silly. You tell your parents, they tell everyone else in the family!

Yabu for this bollocks: my little family.

YANBU. When my son’s baby was born he phoned the 4 grandparents personally. After that, it was texts. Sensible. Don’t people realise how exhausting the whole thing is? I suppose self centred people think’Yes, but I’m special. Just phone ME as well’
Pains in the arse. Ignore. No, you’re not unreasonable or hormonal.

Yes! Grandparents tell the world within minutes! 😊

Ridiculous. Even if FM1 were your brother / sister I'd think they were being unreasonable.

YANBU. I let my close family - parents and siblings know and DH did the same for his. My parents told everyone else in the world, I think, they were so excited. You family member is a dick.

agree - bleughhh. and the term 'baby bubble'. Yuck.

Yep. My thoughts are identical to this.

Your at a busy phase in your life. I wouldn’t be chasing round after FM1. They need to learn this

I can beat that. My dad stopped speaking to my sister because of a mix up notifying people after birth. She had thought her husband had called, he thought she had. Dad hasn't spoken to her for 6 years. I stuck up for her and he shut me out too.

All over a simple misunderstanding!

YANBU at all! Tell them to get stuffed.

Ridiculous and YANBU.
I asked DH to message everyone closer after the birth of DS, at the same time and I did nothing myself.
Not sure how after just giving birth, had your life turned upside down, potentially pain and hormones all over means you’re going to be thinking much about anyone else and their feelings

That's why there are birth announcements.

Just ignore the drama llamas.
They already know - why can't they phone you? are their hands painted on?? 😉

You tell your parents, siblings and maybe grandparents. Rest can find out from the parents 😁

People like to make things about them. FM1 a wide berth and focus on adjusting to your new life.