Husband working hours

[ballser82]

For context - husband and I both work full time from home. We have a 5yo and a 1yo. Husband bought a taxi and paid for taxi licence a few years ago when we went through a bad patch. We didn't discuss/agree on it. He wanted to taxi full time but kept his full time reliable wage and now goes out part time.

My monthly outgoings remain the same/have increased since having another child. He uses his taxi income to pay for holidays or help out with Xmas, we earn roughly the same wage before taxi earnings.

He chooses to work a Friday night as more lucrative usually. He goes out at 4pm, will take breaks and have food while working and gets home at 3/4am. He is a very light sleeper and likes to have around 7/8 hours uninterrupted sleep after working.

I get up with the kids the next day and spend my morning stressed out trying to keep them quiet in case we wake him, he can be very grumpy if he's not had enough sleep. 1yo doesn't sleep through so no one usually has a full nights sleep any other day.

We do go out some Saturday mornings to give him peace but the shower is in the en suite, I have to plan in advance to have all my clothes, hair stuff, make up etc out of my room the night before and if we make too much noise he will wake so a shower is out of the question.

Aibu to think that he should choose better hours to suit his young family and need for sleep?

I'm going out for lunch with the girls at 12 and need to wash my hair but can't feel I can go in until he's up around 11.30/12!!

Going to same place as last year, said we liked it and would look at flights to book them cheap when released. He went ahead and booked. Ultimately I'd have preferred a different hotel but he's booked a package deal.

He thinks he's a team player but he's not always. His plan was to taxi when he thought we were going to split up (a whole other story) and he went out and done it all without discussion. Obvs we didn't split up and he's invested all this money in to doing it that he's doing it but the maintenance on his car is a lot a month. I don't know if it's worth it

You may have decided to give it another go op , but you seem very unhappy.

I actually agree with you and think I would feel the same. Young family is hard work and really hard work if you're trying to keep them quiet all the time too. It's also quality time, you should work to live not live to work.

Something doesn't seem right here.

You don't have shared finances despite legally being a single financial entity. So you have no oversight despite being legally responsible.

You don't benefit financially from his extra work. He doesn't appear to benefit financially from it either, and may or may not have debt, or may or may not have a stash of cash!

I can see why you are peeved.

Add to this, if he isn't in debt, doesn't have a stash of savings hidden, doesn't contribute extra, and still wants to drive a taxi one can only assume he is either; avoiding family life, or doing something else in this window of time. And since the costs of maintaining a suitable car for just a few hrs work might make it less than sensible.....why taxi driving?

I think this is very weird. So much so I'd be awake next Saturday morning at 4am!

Thank you. It is hard work and we have. I support network. It's just us with the kids and no family to help out so each time he leaves the house I know I'm on my own for hours on end to look after them, make dinner with a clingy baby and then attempt clean up after bed time. It doesn't sound much when you read it but it's pretty exhausting and when he's upping his hours at this time of year with no discussion about it I just feel like an unpaid skivvy.

If money was that much of a concern I'd be happy to go out and work extra to get me out the house and socialising but I couldn't do that without a discussion with the family first - I wasn't afforded that respect.

He's started taking pre bookings as well so now he's going to be out at 1pm tomorrow for a job and will 'stay out and see what happens'

meanwhile iv came from lunch with him having an attitude, the 5yo has been on the ipad all day and is like a zombie, now having a shit fit coz she wants mcds for tea and Iv just spent an hour tidying and feeding the 1yo a decent dinner as he had made her alphabites and beans for dinner despite there being a freezer full of home made frozen meals. He's taken the 5yo to mcds and left me to it before he goes back to work

Between the both of you I'm sure you can work something more effective and sustainable out to allow him to sleep.

Has he tried ear plugs, eye mask, white noise etc.

It sounds like he is working hard for the family so I'd be keen to work on how to make it work. The other option is to get a better FT normal job.