husband left young child with older one.

[chweesee]

My husband has an older child who is 12 (my step child) and we have 1 together who is 1.5.

Yesterday I went out at around 5:00pm with friends for dinner and left little one with DH. SS was also there.

When I got back he told me he'd gone out to the shops for a few bits earlier and when I asked if LO was okay (he's a bit of a handful in shops at the moment) he said it's okay because he didn't take him, he left LO with SS whilst he went.

I'm not happy about it, he thinks I'm being OTT. The shop is at least a 10 min drive on a good day and it's a big supermarket so not just like you can run in, grab some milk and be out in 2 mins. He got quite a bit in so would have been out for nearly an hour at the least! Nothing he got were things that couldn't have just waited until today.

I like SS a lot, he's a good kid and he has a good relationship with LO, but he's not mature enough in my opinion to be left with such a young child for so long. He is always glued to his phone at the moment and I wouldn't trust him to actually be paying attention and making sure LO didn't hurt themselves. DH knows I'd never have left them alone for so long together, especially at the moment when LO is climbing up and trying to launch off anything and everything!

Obviously nothing happened which is good but I don't want this to be a regular thing. AIBU to say I really don't want it to happen again? DH thinks I'm being silly.

I have bigger age gaps between children and wouldn't have left ny very responsible 12 yr old with a 1.5 year old. Maybe I would leave a 12 year old for a quick nip to the corner shop with a much older younger sibling but I agree with you, these ages are not okay. And certainly not for a drive away and a longer shop.

Hmm if your LO was a couple of years older I wouldn’t have a problem with this, but you need eyes in the back of your head with 18 month olds and a lot (not all) of 12 year olds are quite easily distracted/lazy/selfish, so no I don’t think you’re unreasonable not to want it to happen again, especially if it’s for no good reason.

I don't think YABU. I would have been ok with a shorter absence but a full supermarket shop 10 minutes away seems too much, and DSS doesn't sound like a particularly mature 12 year old.

My two at 18 months were both high risk takers! No way would I leave them with a child or even a grown up without experience! I used to joke with my brother(lives alone no kids) that if o sent a child to him I'm not sure who would survive it!
It's a firm WTAF from me!

Would you/he let SS take the toddler across a busy car park into a shop and back again? If not he’s not old enough.

Yes he's definitely in the risk taking stage!

He's always trying to play with things he shouldn't, eat things, jump off things! Like PP said, eyes in the back of your head very much needed at the moment. Not something I trust a phone addicted 12 year old to be responsible for!

How long was DH out? My DS is 12 and would be fine on his own in those circumstances. I think looking after a little one makes it harder but if less than an hour probably OK.

If your LO was 7+ I’d say you were possibly being unreasonable if left for a very short time together, as your DH has used his judgement on it.

18 months is much too young. I’d only be happy with that if DSS was 15 (and close to 16) or older.

I've been leaving my responsible 12 year old on their own for about 18 months, but never with their sibling until last week when they were both feeling ill and I needed to walk the dog round the block (for about 15 mins). They were fine, as expected, but the youngest is 9 and nearly responsible enough to be left on their own briefly in an emergency, though we'll wait a bit before leaving them otherwise, and not leave them together for longer periods until the youngest is fully responsible for themself.

Primarily I just don't think leaving a young child in charge of younger siblings is a fair situation. I was left looking after my siblings for hours at a time from age 9, and held very responsible for any issue that arose. I had no choice in the matter and my siblings were a nightmare and used to plot and do things specifically to get me into trouble knowing I'd be held responsible. Parental responsibility should not be passed on to older siblings and a 12 year old with an 18 month old is just too much to expect.

I’m usually more relaxed about things like this but I agree that and 18 month old is too young to leave with a 12 year old.